It’s that time of the year when Halloween just makes everyone go insane. I know that I’m either all for it or tucked at home in my cheeky monkey onesie after I’ve worked out how to disconnect my doorbell so it doesn’t ring.
I’m an extreme kinda gal – all or nothing. Whole industrial size bag of M&M’s or broccoli. Full on Halloween costume or pajamas. You with me on this? Course you are.
Firstly, we need to get you kitted out so here are the best places to find that sexy Obama costume (I’ve no idea what it looks like, I just made it up, I’m sure there’s such a thing): Costumes on Haight, Tendernob’s Costume Party (I think it’s scarier trying to get into that place than the actual costumes. Not the best location but really good stuff once you’re safe inside), Cliff’s Variety in happy gay Castro (LOVE IT) and the AMC Movie Theater at 1000 Van Ness now has turned into a costume store.
Secondly, I do NOT want to see any more Sarah Palin’s or Black Swans – they are done and done. Be original and go as a ladybug. Oh, did I just say that? Maybe it’s because for about 7 years, I’ve worn the same costume each year. I can’t describe how much I love it. It’s so freaking comfortable. Even the wings are just like a second skin.
I’m known for my signature ladybug costume but I need you to be really unique. Go wild i.e. wearing a hoodie and there you go – you’re Mark Zuckerberg; have a frantic look on your face looking really deranged & distressed and hey-ho, you’re Clare Danes in Homeland; stick your leg out of a long dress ALL night and bob’s your uncle, you’re now Angelina Jolie; swan around in a bikini minus the top half and oh dear, you’re Kate Middleton (I know, that was below the belt, literally, but I’m British and she should have been a bit more careful); wear the fattest of the fattest fat suits you can possibly fine (Shallow Hal x 10) and you’re Jessica Simpson during her 3rd trimester.
See it’s so easy to make up very simple costumes that are both timely and will get you served extra drinks at the bar. Now talking about location, here are a few pointers for you on where to show off your Jessica fat suit:
Dr Ricks Party – I’ve been to this many times and it ALWAYS rains the night of his parties. But remember, this guy has a great big house, everyone is having way too much fun to notice a sprinkling of showers and the drinks are flowing all night. Now I can’t disclose where he lives because that’d be just rude, so now you’re on a mission to find him and his party. The Regency Center has their annual Halloween Ball. I think it’s a bit hit or miss but hey, 2012 could be the hit! Halloween Pub Crawl – I’ve had many a friend go on these crawls and even though they lose an eye patch, parrot, Cinderella shoe or wing, they all say it was a brilliant evening.
Now get yourself fixed up for Halloween and make San Francisco proud. We’re a small city, we have a LOT of noise to make to catch up with the rest of the world and you are totally responsible for ensuring we holler above the California noise, especially from LA who have so much collagen in their mouth, they can’t even wolf whistle (oh, did I just say that?!).
