I’ve never been a fan of donuts but then again, I don’t like the way the word looks and growing up in the UK, the donuts were just awful. Just a fat glob of fat, feeling like I was being ripped off because they took the middle out. I want the middle!
So when I nannied one student summer in Cedarhurst, Long Island when I was 17 years old, I was introduced to PopUms (donut holes). I ate so many that I returned to the UK with a fat back. Yep, those rolls that Spanx hides, even though Spanx wasn’t even thought of that that time. I’ve always been slim but that summer, from eating my bodyweight in PopUms, I could feel the donuts literally sliding around my body. Within a few weeks, I was back to my normal weight. Thank heaven for hyperactivity!
Moving to San Francisco in 2005, I walked all over the city, discovering everything on every single street, including bakeries. That’s when I fell in love with donuts all over again. Actually, it was the Apple Fritter discovery that rocked my world and to this day, I’m still on the prowl for more fritters and have nailed the two best in the city.
Bobs Donuts, Polk Street blows my mind away. Everything is so cheap and you know when they’ve just baked new fritters because the whole block reeks of all things sugar, fat and the best smell in the world….calories. Their Apple Fritters, straight out the oven can make you lose four of your five senses, including hearing. They also have oversized donuts, probably designed for families but I can guarantee you (firsthand experience), that you can easily finish it off by yourself within 10 blocks. It’s so cheap that you can buy any item with loose change. Put that change to good use, go forth and buy one of their uber glazed calorie wonders.
Thinking Bob’s was the crème de la crème of bakeries, I then bumped into All Star Donuts on Chestnut Street in Marina. They have about 5 types of Fritters including Blueberry. Now I don’t really get blueberries – they look fun but are a bit of a tasteless lost cause. Yet for some magical reason, they find a way to come to life and body pop around a fritter at All Star Donuts. For the Marina, they’re still really cheap (loose change style cheap) and as with Bobs, the employees just serve and let you toddle off. No cute customer service chit chat, no banter and certainly no hanging around. Point to it, bag it, buy it and off you go.
I’ve checked out other bakeries to see if anyone else can hold a higher tasting record and nope, no one comes close. All other bakeries push more on gourmet and over-compensate with great customer service. I don’t want service, I want calories and no chat. I want my sugar and no conversation. Give it to me, now!
But there is a new place that just opened on Clement Street. I don’t think they even have a name yet but they opened this past month. They sell Asian cakes, three buns for $1 or 5 for $2. I’ve bought from them repeatedly and I’m personally making sure they stay in business. It’s my job as a local to not let this local gem dissipate too soon. They’ve replaced the ½ Hour Photo at 641 Clement Street. Then again, anyone offering photos in 30 minutes is out of date in technology (straight from smartphone to social media, that’s what I say!). So I’m all for this new bakery that closes by 4pm because they’ve sold out – daily. They don’t have fritters but by gum, their buns are enough to happily put a spring in your step, even if it’s with extra hip jiggle room from one too many.
Either way, pace yourself. Bobs, Clement Street Cakes and All Star are going nowhere for a long time. Neither are your hips. So remember that a moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips, bum, thighs & stomach. Size 6 is the new size zero. Not size 26!