Question: Is it bad if my husband and I take separate vacations?
Answer: It's ok to take separate vacations as long as it isn't something you are doing in anger or resentment. Lots of times couples just have different preferences and pleasures when it comes to fun and relaxing.
One person's ideal vacation is lying on the beach all day , reading a book and just soaking up the sun. Their partner, on the other hand, loves traveling to new places, checking out all the different foods and sightseeing. Paradise for one is a prison sentence to the other.
If you like to go to new places but your partner loves to go to the same island each trip, you love to play tennis in a warm sunny climate and he loves to ski in the cold, you like to sleep in and get up whenever you feel like it and he likes to wake up with the sunrise and get a jump on a day of activity.... it may be time to consider doing your own thing.
When you have these kind of differences, it can be like the gap in the Grand Canyon and lead to constant arguing. In these cases, separate vacations can be the ideal answer.
They allow each person to truly look forward to and enjoy their passion without imposing it on their partner who, if they really don't want to be there, can actually be a fun spoiler.
While compromising is always a great way to go, sometimes to really have the vacation you desire, the best option is to go your separate ways and then reunite to share all the interesting highlights with one another.
Who knows, the recap may sound so appealing that each of you may be more inclined to give each other's "vacation" a try next time round.
Jane Greer, Ph.D., is a nationally known marriage and family therapist. Her latest book: What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship. She is the author ofHow Could You Do This to Me? Learning to Trust after Betrayal, The Afterlife Connection: A Therapist Reveals How To Communicate With Departed Loved Ones , Gridlock: Finding The Courage To Move On In Love, Work And Life and Adult Sibling Rivalry. More at DrJaneGreer.com
