As we approach the New Year, many of us humans create resolutions for ourselves, to eat less, exercise more etc, in hopes that we can start off the New Year right. If our pets could make resolutions, what do you think they would be?
I resolve to keep out of the garbage, both indoor and out, even though I am SO BORED with the kibble and generic dog bones, day after day. The garbage is a variable hodgepodge of scents --roast beef, potatoes, green beans, brownies--- and we DO receive most of our information via our olfactory system. Did you know that? If only the bags you kept the trash in were properly placed in the trash receptacle and if the lid was properly placed on said trash receptacle, it might make it a bit more difficult to tear it open and snack on the awaiting feast.
I resolve to keep my nose away from the areas that seem to bother my human the most: The trash, the cat box and Auntie Susan’s rear end. I am not sure why this offends humans so vehemently; this is how all canines greet one another, have I mentioned our olfactory system yet?
I resolve to not herd the children as they race around the house with their new toys, screeching and squealing like a barnyard full of livestock. As tempting as it is to nip at their heels, I will lay on my bed waiting for the noise to die down.
I resolve to no longer bark at the mail carrier, which I do instinctually to protect the property I love for my family. It is utterly against my nature, but I resolve to withhold my bark at the human who walks up to my door, on a daily basis, and then quickly retreats as my ferocious bark sends him scurrying into the neighbor’s yard.
I resolve to no longer snuggle on the clean shirt or dress that my “servant” has placed on the bed. I must say, though, that it seems to me that white cats should always sleep on dark dresses and black cats should nestle into white freshly starched shirts. Why else would they be left on the bed for me?
I resolve to steer clear of the computer keyboard on which my “servant” is clicking away during all hours of the day. I must ask: if it is warm and they are too preoccupied to pet me, why can't I lay there?
I resolve to no longer flick pens off the table, counter or any surface on which I find them. It is not my fault that they fly off with such ease! And the fact that I can then chase them across the hardwood floor and lose them under the couch will be just a distant memory.
I resolve to cease my efforts to hurtle my “servant” down the flight of stairs, most often in the dark. I will no longer attempt to race them to the bottom, entangling my paws and or tail with their feet.
Frisky the Ferret
I resolve to maintain all dignity and not hop across the floor sideways with my mouth open, my eyes wide and looking like the mischievous sprite I am.
I resolve to keep all foam in pillows, jackets, toys and whatever I may be trying to snuggle into at the time. Difficult as it may be, I will attempt to keep the beans inside of the bean bag as well.
Freddy the Hamster
I resolve to no longer squeak my exercise wheel at midnight. Being nocturnal this will be quite difficult for me, but I will begin at 5am instead.
I resolve to avoid biting the small morsel of finger that is poked through my cage…in the exact spot where my friends feed me treats… not that that confuses me or anything. Oh, you know that I am a rodent, with teeth, right? Nevertheless, I will try.
Yes, we resolve to resist our nature for our families in 2012.
Happy New Year to all two and four legged creatures in your home.