Many kids and their parents ignore the Facebook Terms of Service (TOS) completely. The kid fudges his or her age and mom allows it—or isn’t aware. “I want to play games” and “I want to connect with my older cousins” are two excuses I’ve heard recently. Remember, though, in four years: your now 10-year-old (posing as 13-year-old) will look like a 17-year-old to his or her actual “same-age friends.”
Facebook age requirements exist for good reason: 13 is a nice age to join. It gives a parent time to talk with their kid. It also gives the child a chance to mature and be able to handle inappropriate online conversations and understand the dangers of giving out personal information. I want my daughter, who’s nearly 13, to clearly understand the consequences, both good and bad, before she launches her own account.
Internet safety expert Mary Heston, one of the founders of WiredMoms.com and the voice behind @WiredMom (with its 60,000+ followers), has three rules for parents whose kids are 13+:
1. Sit down with your child and go through the Facebook profile set-up together from start to finish.
2. Make sure all the security settings are at the most private, from the start.
- At the top right hand side of the page you will see Account.
- Under the drop-down menu, work through the Account Settings, the Applications Settings, and most importantly the Privacy Settings. Make sure the privacy settings are set to Custom Settings.
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Then click on the Custom Settings link on that page. That will take you to another page where you can select who can see information you place in your account.
3. Be sure to set your child’s account to :
- Only Me for Places I Check Into, because the newest Facebook option is to let people know where you are.
- Disable People Here Now.
- And in the section allowing other people to share information about you, be sure to disable Friends Can Check Me In To Places.
After several interesting and even rewarding conversations with my tween, we’ve decided yes, she can have a Facebook account when she turns 13. Providing she understands and agrees to additional Mom TOS:
- I will have access to my child’s password for Facebook and she will not share it with anyone else. We will write it down and put it in a private location (not on a sticky note on the fridge, where anyone visiting could see it).
- We will work through the Account & Application Settings together, never including home address or phone numbers even if she is just sharing her page with friends.
- MOST IMPORTANTLY: We will work through the Privacy Settings together and set everything to either "Friends Only" or "Only Me".
- Kids need to understand it’s okay to have fun, but to always remember they are building their Permanent Record. Future bosses and college acceptance boards may someday look at their Facebook account as a reference.
- Mom will be monitoring the site regularly, and must be allowed to “Friend.”
- She is only allowed Friends she (and I) know in real life.
- She is only allowed Friends spanning 1 year younger or older. (Negotiable after a few years.)
- There are photo limitations. She must consider content (is anyone in the picture going to be embarrassed by it?) and be aware of tagging (unless privacy is set correctly, everyone will see your photo and can add tags of their own).
Once all these settings and rules are agreed to, she’ll be Facebooking up a storm. Her next question: “Can I have a smart phone with Facebook access?”
Welcome to the new connected teenager.
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