Congratulations! You and your loved one are moving in together. You’ve made the big decision to combine your lives. Here are my top tips on how to combine your possessions so that your stuff doesn’t crowd out your relationship.
Clear Clutter
Before you start in on your partner’s possessions, pare down your own. Clear out anything that you don’t like, that doesn’t work, that doesn’t fit, that you never use, that’s obsolete.
Eliminate Excess
According to a survey done by eBay Classifieds, 54% of Americans admit to having up to 10 duplicate items when they moved in with a significant other. One couple I worked with somehow had accumulated four coffee makers! Weed out doubles on appliances, cookware and dishes, large pieces of furniture, sheets and towels, books, CDs and DVDs, and electronics. Added bonus: you can make some extra cash or get a tax deduction by selling or donating the overflow.
Vote and Veto
While you and your partner may be in love, chances are you won’t love all of each other’s things. Keep decisions about what stays and what goes from turning into an argument by voting on each of your favorite items and reserving a few vetoes for things you really can’t stand. A neutral third party can help you sort through your things and keep discussions from turning into disputes. Some of my clients say that working with me is like working with a couples' counselor.
If You Can’t Compromise, Start Over
If you can’t agree on which of your couches should go in the living room, it may make sense to get something you both like. You’re starting a new life together and your place should reflect both of your tastes.
Strategically Store Stuff
If your partner doesn’t share your affection for your childhood doll collection but you can’t part with it, find a place to put it so that it’s not prominently displayed.
Delay Difficult Decisions
If you can’t come to agreement about an item, don’t risk a conflict over some thing. Hold onto the questionable item for a designated period of time then re-visit it. One or both of your thoughts and feelings about it may change, making compromise easier. Taking a photo of items that you previously kept for sentimental reasons may make it easier to let go of some of the actual items.
Look for the Story Behind the Stuff
People can have emotional attachments to the unlikeliest of objects. And for some people, treasured items can feel like an extension of themselves. Before you call your significant other’s torn old sweatshirt a “ratty old rag”, ask what significance the item holds. You may learn a touching story about a beloved coach or about the thrill of a sports victory that still is a source of motivation and pride.
Keep the Big Picture In Mind
You’ll have plenty of issues to navigate as you adjust to your new living situation. While our possessions can provide beauty and pleasure, they are just things. If keeping your loved one happy means keeping a few things you’d be perfectly happy to see thrown in the trash, it’s probably worth it. Even if you cringe every time you see the Big Mouth Billy Bass plaque hanging in your new living room.
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