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No, arguing a lot doesn't mean you're tired of each other, but it does mean that you are both tired of feeling misunderstood and not heard.
Oftentimes arguing is the result of each person stating their position, digging their heels in and then pounding their point as hard as they can to "get through" to their partner. It rarely works. Your constant fighting is an SOS that you must both change your strategies and begin to really listen to each other as well as learn how to be open to each other's needs and opinions.
In my book, What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, I have several techniques and tips that once you put them into play will significantly change the way you and your partner get along. Two of them that you can start with are the following:
Stop Playing Emotional Jeopardy...
This means be careful addressing an issue with your boyfriend in the form of a declarative statement, which he will most likely take as an attack and then counter or negate whatever it is you might be telling him. Instead, form your point in the form of a question. That way, you are being open and are leaving him the room to share his experience rather than forcing him to defend himself . It looks like this:
"Was there a reason you didn't call me to tell me you were running late"? Rather than... "You could've called, I don't know why you didn't. You only think of yourself..."
Hit the Hold Button ....
Sometimes it's just bad timing to try to hash out whatever is upsetting you or what you are both disagreeing about. It's late, one of you is tired, you're on your way out to a social occasion, you're just too angry to be able to think clearly and talk calmly. So, if you both agree to let each other know when it's the time for one of you to Hit the Hold Button, you can agree to put things on hold and disagree for the moment. Then you can choose another time within the week when you've had a chance to let things settle down and can address your concerns in a more thoughtful and less reactive way.
There are lots more techniques to use, but if you start with these two it will help you begin to communicate in a more caring, sensitive and open- minded way with one another, and that in and of itself will diminish the degree of arguing taking place.
