I have been struggling with issues with my ex-boyfriend for 4 years, he comes in and out of my life and has often told me he loves me, misses me, but I know that he has commitment issues, my question is should I let him go or will he ever realize that we belong together and be with me. His name is Tom. I often find my self getting angry with him because he says all of these things to me but always ends up with other women, whenever I tell him that I want him out of my life he seems to try anything to not let me go. Emotionally it has taken its toll, because I want to be with him but feel that he cannot be honest with me about his commitment issues and at this point I really don’t know what to do.
Thank you Nan,
The question is not “should I let him go or will he ever realize that we belong together,” the question is “what does the Universe have to do to make you realize that you do not belong together, in order for YOU to let go of HIM?”
I know it’s not what you want to hear but Laurie! Listen to your intuition! Listen to your heart! It’s telling you clearly that you are not being honored by this man, you are not being treated with respect by this man, you are not being cherished by this man – you are being used like a door mat! He comes into your heart, your home, if and when he wants; he wipes the energetic mud of other women at your door; he spouts convenient truths that only hold up when you are in front of him; and he wants you most when he thinks he can’t have you!
Well, if I were a totally unscrupulous and unprincipled person and had someone sitting around waiting for me while I acted outrageously, and no matter what that person was there, willing to believe my lies and forgive my repeated screw-ups, I wouldn’t want to lose that person, either – would you?
He needs to be out of your life for good, for YOUR sake. You deserve so much better than this! And as long as he is in your energy, no one else can come in. Remember – and I’ve said it before – when you take trash to the curb, don’t bring it back in the house!
Checkpoint: A soul will always attempt to honor the soul contract it makes with others, whether that contract is between parent and child, siblings, friends, or in romantic relationships. The miraculous dance between souls that is so amazing when it works, can also result in disappointment and hurt when one of the souls uses God’s gift of free will and free choice not to honor the soul contract.
The conflict comes when one soul bails on the other. The soul who is left still believes in the other person, still feels it has to be honorable and to fulfill the obligation that was set in motion prior to coming into this physical world. This results in situations like Laurie, above, who knows intellectually that she needs to let go, but for some unknown reason still can’t seem to.
If you are struggling like Laurie, you need to face the reality of the situation and truly deal with the “what is,” not the “what if,” not the “woulda-coulda-shoulda.” Start by asking yourself, “Is this person treating me with respect?” Stringing someone along for four years, alternately professing love and seeking out other relationships, can only have a resounding “NO!” as the answer.
If you start with self-respect, and the understanding that you deserve to be treated honorably, it makes these kinds of situations pretty cut and dry. When one party breaks a contract, any kind of contract, the other party is released from its obligations. Let the dishonorable or disrespectful relationships in your life go, and CHOOSE YOU!
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Nan is an internationally-acclaimed author, radio host and Intuitive Counselor. Through her radio and other media apperarances, her syndicated blog and column, her books, and her private counseling sessions, Nan has helped millions of people in eight countries and on three continents, achieve clarity, peace, and healing. She uses intuition – vs. psychology – to deliver comfort, closure, and peace about current life situations such as career, family, health, finances, and other life issues. It is important to understand Nan is not a "psychic." She does not make predictions. Strictly using intuitive abilities, she blends understanding and insight into the "why" of our journey, providing real life tools that yield real life answers.
For more information about her work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.