by Deborah Dunn, LMFT
Oh girlfriends, haven’t we all been stupid? Sure we have, probably more than once, and especially when it comes to the men in our lives.
But even though we may have kissed a frog or two, we don’t have to keep on trading warts with sleazebags and slimeballs, do we? Yet, more and more women seem to be falling for the smooth talk and romantic bait these days, and when they do, getting past our less than pleasant memories can be a tad difficult and demoralizing.
If this applies to you, then here’s seven important tips on how to wash off the pond scum and get on with your life for good!
Go on a “man diet.” Never use a new man to get over another one. That spells trouble for lots of different reasons.
- Give yourself time. It takes about two years to fully heal from a major relationship mistake.
- Join a support group, find girlfriends, and surround yourself with people who send you positive messages and affirm your ability to build a happy life for yourself, with or without a man.
- Volunteer and focus on helping others who are worse off than you.
- Stop looking at every man that crosses your path as a potential life partner.
- Use the counseling process to figure out why you are repeatedly drawn to men who hurt you. There are many reasons, you know, and that behavior can be changed.
- Do not allow a man, or men, to define you. The opinion of one man is irrelevant, even if you thought you loved him, he was the center of your world, and you don’t know how to live without him. Trust me; you will get over him if you train yourself to move on.
- No matter what we’ve done, we can change and salvage our lives. It is never too late.
Use the time to learn, grow, and explore new directions in your life regarding your education and career.
Develop your creative talents, even if you think you aren’t creative. The key is to explore.
Instead, focus on your children, and if you don’t have any children, help others focus on theirs. You know, it really does “take a village” to raise a child, but those villages need to be populated by lots of relatives, extended families, and good moms and dads.
We all have secrets, we all have done terrible things, and we all need to forgive ourselves. You are no worse, or better, than most other women in this world. Choosing to “get over it” is a choice to ignore your bad feelings and refuse to allow them to control you. The more you make that choice on a daily basis, the easier that becomes. NEVER speak ill of yourself. You are too precious.
And…no more kissing frogs!
About The Author
Deborah is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice near Raleigh, North Carolina and the author of a new book for women of all ages: Stupid
About Men: 10 Rules for Getting Romance Right, published by Simon and Schuster/Howard Books and released in Feb. 2009. Her career includes twenty years of experience working with women, couples, and adolescents, helping them make healthier life choices under her logo, SmartAboutLife! She is currently working on a second book for her publisher titled Life After Stupid: The SMART Principles for Rebuilding Your Life After Big Mistakes and Blunders. A popular and dynamic motivational speaker and media guest Deborah can be reached through her website at www.deborahdunn.com or by contacting Don Otis, Veritas Communication, 719-275-7775. don@veritasincorporated.com.
