how to flaunt it with confidence
By Allison Pescosolido, M.A. and Andra Brosh, Ph.D, founders of Divorce Detox
It's intimidating to re-enter the dating world after divorce. For many women, the absolute scariest part of getting out there and meeting men is the need to begin flirting again.
The first thing to remember is that flirting is a harmless way to gauge another person’s interest in with you. You are not committing to a lifelong connection or even a date. You are simply deciding in a few moments whether you enjoy this person’s company. If you both like each other, you may continue to flirt and eventually talk. If you don’t like the person, you may simply end the conversation politely and walk away.
Flirting 101
Practice builds confidence. Before you start flirting in public, get in front of a mirror and see how you look. Experiment with different smiles and poses to see which is the most inviting. Try conveying warmth with your eyes and see the difference it can make.
Related: Your Top 5 Dating Questions... Answered!
When you meet someone potentially interesting, just glance at him and smile. If he looks back and smiles as well, approach him. Introduce yourself, and maintain eye contact for a few moments. Offer a simple, open-ended observation such as, “Isn’t this weather great?” Let the conversation go in any direction, but make sure you pay attention to what he's saying.
Body Language
Your gut instinct will be your best indication of how the flirting is going, yet sometimes nerves or insecurities can get in the way of making a proper assessment. Body language plays an important role in flirting and can be quite revealing. Some cues that your subject would like to continue flirting are:
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Turning their body toward you
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Touching your arm
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Smiling
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Maintaining eye contact
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Laughing
More obvious flirts may throw their head back as they laugh, play with their hair or lick their lips. More shy flirts may look down, fidget or shift their weight, but they will continue to maintain an interest in speaking to you. If you both continue the conversation without encountering negative cues, your subject is most likely interested.
Related: Tip of the Hat: Decoding a Guy's First Date Accessories
Conversation
As you flirt, smile often and keep the conversation light. Talk about the weather, a hobby, sports, etc. Do not get too personal. Questions about religion, children, past relationships and emotions are not typically welcome in flirting.
Extended flirting shows interest. At this point, indicate that you would like to get to know him better. This is the hard part of flirting for a lot of people because you are actually risking rejection. However, if you have been flirting with the person for a while, your risk is pretty minimal. On the other hand, if the person is not interested, you still gained some good flirting practice.
Flirting Don'ts
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Don't worry about flirting. It is a technique that is easy to learn.
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Don't be overzealous or desperate. There is someone for everyone.
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Don't stare. Instead, try smiling with your eyes.
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Don't be afraid of getting close to someone, but don't engage in too much physical contact.
Related: 5 Guys NOT to Overlook
Red Flags
Even if you've put all your best flirting techniques into practice, there is a chance your flirting won't be successful. If at any point you sense that your subject has lost interest, it is possible. Look for the following non-verbal cues of disinterest:
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Looking around
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Crossing arms
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No longer smiling
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Redirecting the center of the body away from you
If you encounter any of these cues, you may simply state it was nice getting to know them or say that you see someone across the room you need to speak to. In any case, be polite and make your exit.
From Fear to Fun
Many of Divorce Detox’s clients find (at first) the thought of flirting to be daunting, yet after a little practice, they discover that flirting as an adult is much easier than as a teen. With all the confidence gained in adulthood, flirting is often surprisingly fun.
More from GalTime.com:
- 4 Ways to Tell If He's the One
- Letting Go of Past Loves
- 9 Unexpected Places to Find Love
- 5 Signs He'll Be Good in Bed
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Allison Pescosolido, M.A. and Andra Brosh, Ph.D. are experts in Divorce Recovery and starting over. They co-founded Divorce Detox, a full service center to transform the lives of individuals transitioning through divorce. With advanced degrees in the field of Psychology, and as certified Grief Recovery Specialists® by The Grief Recovery Institute, Andra and Allison are proactively challenging and changing the stigma of divorce on a national level.
Photo Credit: Laura Grier
