You're already best buds. But when you look at him, you want something more. So how do you turn that BFF into a BF--and go from gal pal to girlfriend?
We asked Galtime Dating Coach Dr. Jenn Oikle, PhD of My Soulmate Solution for some pointers. First up--how do you know if your guy pal may be looking for more?
"He’s really engaged in the friendship- making equal investments in time, energy, attention, and emotion," Dr. Jenn says. "He calls to make plans, he lets you know he’s thinking about you (calling, text, sending links he thinks you’ll like), he calls just to check in and see how something went that you told him you were doing. He asks your support on things going on in his life (troubles at work, with dating, etc)."
But don't beat around the bush, she insists. If you really want to know, you've just got to come out and ask! Of course, many of us are scared to lay all our cards out on the table. After all, no one likes to be rejected--especially by a friend. But Dr. Jenn says it can be worth the risk.
"There is always the chance you could lose the friendship through awkwardness," she says. "But if done right, you really have nothing to lose!"
So are you ready to take the first steps? Dr. Jenn breaks it down for us with steps that won't scare your guy away.
1. Invite Him to Consider More
Bring your desire to be more than friends up in a casual, easy going way. Say something that leaves the door open for it going either way, like: “You know, some days, in some moments, I’ve felt a spark with you- which makes me wonder if there might be something more here. Have you ever noticed it?” See if he expresses any interest. If not,no harm, no foul--you just go back to being friends. If he has…go on to next step.
2. Agree to an Experiment
If he admits to feeling more and being curious about it, have a discussion about having an experiment to see what it feels like if you step into the romance department. By “experimenting”, you both agree that for a period of time, say a month, you can play with more and see how it feels. But it also gives each of you an easy out if it doesn’t feel right when you take the next step.
3. Check in
Agree, above all, to be honest. Make it clear that you want an open line of communication- and it’s totally ok with you if it doesn’t work out- agree at the outset that the friendship is most important. Things can get weird quickly, so have a check in once a week or two to see how things feel on each side, knowing you can always revert back to friends. If it’s smooth sailing- you’ve just used a solid foundation to spring into a romance with a good chance of lasting the long haul. And if not, you’ve still got your guy friend as a companion along the path.
And if, after your best efforts, he still rejects your advances, can you still be friends? Dr. Jenn says depends on how strong your own feelings are.
"If you brought it up with an easy out, as if it was just an idea you were toying with, it doesn’t have to get all weird," she says. "However, do note that if you are so into him that it’s causing you pain to stay just friends, then you might need to move on because it could be holding you back from finding the right guy to have a real romance with."
What do you think? Should friendships be messed with? Can you go from friend to flame? Is it worth the risk?