How Many Partners is Too Many? | Love & Sex

What's your number?

Some people like to keep it under wraps at all costs. Some are not afraid to sing it--loud and proud. When you come into a new relationship, should you reveal that magic number of how many sex partners you've had in the past to your significant other or avoid the question like the plague?

We asked Charly Emery, personal strategist and author of "Thank Goodness You Dumped his Ass".

"While it’s understandable for a partner to determine enough about your sexual history to address safety concerns, the exact number of sexual partners is not relevant or valuable to your current relationship," she insists. "Discussing numbers also switches your focus from each other onto previous partners and escapades that often create unnecessary confusion and doubt along with insecurities."

If your significant other pushes, she says, ask him or her why they really want to know.

"For example, do they want to know if you’ve engaged in safe sex or if you are more prone to long term or short term relationships?" she says. "Those are questions that if answered, help both of you define where you are today and where you’d like to go in love together."

Of course,  some may believe that honesty is the best policy when it comes to their significant other--and they feel obligated to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But be careful of hurting your partner with details he or she isn't ready to handle.

"The truth sets you free, however being truthful in the relationship you’re in is very different than revealing unnecessary details about your previous romps in romance with others," Charly cautions. "All that matters is where you both are today, what your desires and goals are for a relationship and whether or not those desires are aligned. Discussing the numbers of previous lovers only removes you from the present and distracts you from determining how you relate to each other and whether you’d like to proceed in your relationship."

And, at the end of the day, whether your number is high or low, Charly reminds us, it really doesn't matter. Because the magic number just doesn't exist.  

"You may find what you’re looking for after only a few relationships, or fail to find satisfaction after numerous partners," she says. "Every partner is essentially a lesson that teaches you something about yourself as well as what will satisfy you most in a relationship."  

What do you think? How many partners is too many and should you tell your partner about your past?