What does your guy think of Valentine's Day?
a) A great opportunity to express his love in an exciting, romantic way?
b) A pressure filled nightmare where he's forced to produce...or else?
Yes, the dreaded V-Day can be a minefield for men, says Marcus Osborne, of StraightMaleFriend.com. Sure, some guys absolutely love it or see it as an opportunity to score brownie points with their lady friends--even though couldn't care less about the holiday. But many guys live in fear--knowing it's going to be a night in the doghouse with Scooby Snacks for dinner if they don't come through.
"Valentine's Day is the holiday where only the guys can really lose," Marcus insists. "Because even though he could not give a rip about being on the receiving end of a V-Day gift, he knows full well he'd better bring it for his lady love. Every guy knows that even if she tells him, 'Oh you don't have to worry about getting me anything for Valentine's,' he'd damn well better worry about getting her something for Valentine's."
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Speaking of that "something," Marcus adds, a smart guy knows there are bonus points if his gift is better than the ones her girlfriends' guys got them.
"I'm inclined to believe that Valentine's day gifts from most guys' perspective ALL mean one thing: safety until the next Valentine's Day," he declares. "For two-thirds of the male population the V-Day gift is simply us trying to get by with as little emotional collateral damage as possible. I mean hey, didn't we just do the gift giving thing over Christmas?"
We asked Marcus to play translator for a moment and tell us what our guys' gifts might actually mean. He breaks it down into two categories: traditional and non-traditional.
"Traditional Gifts: cards, candy, dinner out, flowers," he says. "I won't denigrate those gifts by saying he's not even trying, I'll just say that....aw hell who am I kidding? He's not even trying."
After all, if its the thought that counts, these gifts don't involve a lot of thinking.
"Your man is just trying to push that clock forward 24 and get this thing over with," Marcus says. "Oh sure, these gifts usually get the job done. I suspect that most women are OK with these things - they may even LIKE those gifts - but they're not doing back flips over them either.
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"But to guys, that reaction is fine and dandy. We've got no problem with it. We knew the minute We picked out that corny Hallmark Card or that goofy teddy bear dressed in prison stripes with 'you stole my heart' stitched into its belly that this was just a get-me-over gift," he admits. "No deep thought went into it. Not to say that we don't care about her. No gift can REALLY tell you that, but hey, we knew how to read a calendar and we got the job done."
And then there are the non-traditional gifts. Hot air balloon rides, handwritten love letters, a special homemade candlelit dinner for two, served picnic style on the living room floor. What does it mean when your guy gets creative?
"These can get tricky. And can be massive failures. But the ONE thing of which you can be sure with the non-traditional gift is that your man has put forth some sort of effort," says Marcus. "Which, I suppose, could be indicative of how much he cares about you or how well he knows you... or both. But the guy is making a real effort to make this gift somewhat memorable."
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So bottom line: if your guy doesn't give you the perfect gift this V-Day--does it mean he thinks less of your relationship--or is just a clueless shopper?
"I think it's unfortunate that the default belief of women is that when the V-Day gift doesn't live up to her hopes or expectations that somehow this signifies that her guy doesn't care or doesn't value the relationship," says Marcus. "A less than adequate gift (by the woman's standards) can't in any way be construed as some sort of relationship metric. More often than not, the guy simply missed the mark. it happens. And it'll probably happen again."
And no, Marcus insists--he shouldn't necessarily "know you better." So give him the benefit of the doubt.
"He DOES know you. That doesn't mean he's great at picking gifts," he says. "The overlooked fact here is that, for better or worse, he tried to come through for you."
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