Friends Without Benefits
Growing up, I've always found it easier to make friends with guys. Maybe they were less complicated, less gossipy, more fun. I don't know. Even today, one of my best friends in the world is a guy. Thankfully, my husband is totally cool with it.
But that hasn't always been the case. In the past, I've had significant others who believed, like in "When Harry Met Sally", that men and women just can't be friends. Is it that you 'can't' be friends with a guy or is it that there's the risk the friendship will put a strain on your romantic relationship?
It got us to thinking. Can guy/girl friendships exist in harmony once you're hooked on someone else?Relationship expert Rochelle Peachey of the transatlantic dating site "I Love Your Accent" says it depends.
"To make this work, all parties need to know where they stand," she says. "The guy friend must never overstep his boundaries and the girl must never put her guy friend before her significant other or take his advice over her husband's."
Easier said than done, of course, especially if your guy BFF is the one you've always turned to over the years, the one to whom you've spilled your troubles-- even about the men in your life. That kind of behavior can make your sweetie see green. Something you'll want to nip in the bud...and fast.
"Figure out what are you doing that makes him jealous," says Peachy. "Is he feeling left out? Include him in the things you and your guy friend do together and always allow him to hear when you are speaking to your guy friend on the phone."
Also be sure to always keep him in the loop. If he knows what the two of you are up to, it'll reassure him that it's nothing illicit. Leaving him in the dark can cause unnecessary worry and stress on him...and the relationship.
While closeness between two friends isn't necessarily a bad thing, if you feel like you're sharing more with your friend--whether male or female--than your significant other, Peachy suggests you might want to step back and think about why that's happening.
"If you share personal or intimate details with a man or woman other than your significant other, then maybe you are not with the right person after all," she says.
And, if push comes to shove, and your partner demands you make a choice between him and your friend? Peachy says, "It's up to you to decide who you would least like to be without."
What do you think? Can you have guy friends once you're in a committed relationship? If you have a guy friend, how do you keep harmony between your pal and your partner?
