Should You Tell Your Partner About Your Wild Past? | Love & Sex

Let's face it--we've all made choices or have done things in the past we might not be so proud of. I know I have! (No, I'm not admitting to them online--hey, my mom might read this!) But now that you're older and reformed, how much of that sordid past should you admit to your current partner--who may have no idea you used to be a wild child?!

Well, according to psychotherapist Sharon Gilchrest O'Neill, Ed.S., LMFT, author of the book "A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage", tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth!

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"If this is a partner that might evolve into a long-term relationship or marriage, you need to allow your partner to know all about you, all the complexities about who you are -- who you are today and the history of who you were in the past," she insists. " To not do this important self-disclosure inevitably brings forth relationship problems in the future."

That said, he doesn't necessarily need to know every single gory detail, she adds. And you don't have to spew out your whole history in one sitting. After all, you don't want to overwhelm him. "It is a process of getting to know each other, little by little, as time goes by."

So how do you go about bringing it all up in the first place? "Keep your focus on who you know you are at this point in your life," Gilchrest says. "The past is your history and we all have some history we're not proud of. Sharing and self-disclosure with a potentially serious partner will show that to be true. All of us need to understand the "evolution" of one's life and the events that have made someone who they are today."

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But what if you spill--and your partner freaks out? Instead of getting defensive, try to understand why he is so upset. "He may be questioning if he really knows you completely, especially if you have waited a long time to talk about your wild past," explains Gilchrest. "Give him patience and time as you empathize with him, and then eventually talk it through."

And if he's still having issues, don't be afraid to seek counseling from a professional.

"This is a crucial 'piece of work' to get behind you before more involved commitments are made and a decision to marriage is agreed upon," Gilchrest insists. "Never just make-up and shove this kind of dilemma under the rug!"

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