Has your sex life taken a back seat to football and videogames? Well, don't wait around for him to make the next move. Go ahead and get this party started!
"It is not written anywhere that men have the sole responsibility for initiating sex," says Chicago based relationship coach and psychotherapist Jeffrey Sumber. "Women have just as much libido and just as much responsibility for keeping the relationship sexually healthy and active."
So what's the best way to start romancing your man? First up, says Sumber, be clear on what you want. There's nothing to gain here by being subtle.
"One of the hottest things a woman can do is to verbally ask for what they want," he says. "'I want you' goes a long way!'"
And be sure to set the mood, he says. Which for a man is more likely to be a good dinner and a couple drinks--rather than rose petals and scented candles. A little dress up can't hurt either.
"Wear his Oxford shirt from work and a thong and do a little strip tease for him," Sumber suggests.
And don't be afraid to sing his praises. He's probably ready to hear what a stud he is--after a long browbeaten day at work. "Tell him you were so turned on after the last time that you can't get it out of your mind and you're looking for a repeat," Sumber suggests.
Doesn't sound all that romantic to you? Well, maybe it doesn't have to be. Sumber says many men have a difficult time integrating hot sex with loving romance--at least at first--and it's okay to play out each in separate sessions--so you both get what you want. For example--with morning sex.
"Sometimes many men simply want it fast and furious, like a good work-out," says Sumber. "Morning sex is unlikely to be the romantic, slow and passionate love making session you have been wanting. It's biology, ladies. Don't take it personally!"
Of course, a relationship is a two-way street. So don't be afraid to go after that romance you want as well. Just don't expect the guy to know what you like--unless you tell him. "The big challenge in many people's sexual frustrations is that they expect the other to simply read their minds when it comes to this or that," explains Sumber. "We don't typically know what you want unless you ask us in no uncertain terms!"
Some other ideas from Sumber to get both of you in the mood?
- Greet your husband in costume and a lot of laughing.
- Act cranky when you see him and ask him to clean the dishwasher right now, but have a glass of scotch on the counter with a scavenger hunt note directing him back to the floor of the living room where you are waiting for him in a sea of candles...
- Most men like a good surprise guest in the shower for a quickie.
- Nothing like a great massage that becomes a slippery love making session.
Think your guy will be taken aback by you suddenly taking the lead? Well, again, it comes down to communication. "Make him a nice dinner and ask if it is OK to discuss some things that have been on your mind," suggests Sumber. "Ask him how he feels about you initiating sometimes. See how he responds. And treat experimentation as fun and exciting, not a major downer. Don't forget to have fun!"
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