The relationship's over. Maybe it even ended badly. But for some reason you find you just can't throw those old ticket stubs and Valentine's Day cards away. Are you a closet hoarder? Or just sentimental? And why can it be so hard to let go?
Six years ago, lightning set my house on fire while I was away at a writer's conference. In just forty minutes, the place burned to the ground. All my belongings, all my books, all my photos--destroyed. It was, of course, a devastating experience, and one I hope no one else ever has to go through. But at the same time, in hindsight, it was kind of cleansing. All those mementos I'd saved from relationships past, stuffed in boxes at the back of my closet, were finally gone forever.
I'm sure I'm not alone. Many of you probably have "ex-boxes" hidden away in attics and basements and closets across the country. Little reminders of old loves that you just can't bear to throw away. We asked Piper Weiss, Yahoo! Shine senior features editor why these little mementos can become so precious?
"They're like instant highs. Like your favorite one-hit-wonder song, when you hear it again it's like the first time," she says. "The items store the memory of how you felt when you first fell for someone. And if you had a bad breakup, they can remind you that you weren't totally nuts for being with someone."
They also offer concrete proof to your fading memories that the relationship was real. "When you breakup with someone it can feel like it never happened or it doesn't count and having a record is like court evidence," says Piper. "Your honor, he loved me: Exhibit A: this letter."
And while in some ways, it's harmless to keep and savor a few memories, if those ex-boxes start becoming all consuming, it's time to let them go.
"When you're sleeping with them, when you're looking at them every day," Piper says. "It's like any kind of addiction, if it interrupts your life you need to break that habit."
If you find you can't do it alone, invite over a friend to help you purge. She'll be better able to sort through the trash and the treasure--and advise what's worth saving. "Cards with pre-written poems need to go. They didn't put any effort into it, so why should you?" Piper asks. "But trinkets can come in handy, even in a last-minute re-gift crisis. And real sentimental notes and emails have value. When you're over them, you can remember them fondly."
And lastly, what if your new man stumbles upon your ex-box? How do you explain that those little trinkets from relationships gone by have nothing to do with your current love for him?
"You can just tell him you're a hoarder, but you keep it in check with the self-inflicted rule that it's only with exes," jokes Piper. "Or more seriously, just say I’m sentimental. Relationships have value. Someday, I’ll make a fortune off it."
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