Have you fallen into the dreaded dating rut? Going out with the same types of guys, replaying the same old patterns, feeling the same old painful feelings, with the same predictable ending? If so, the familiar adage is probably getting obvious by now: If you keep doing the same thing, you’ll get the same result.
That means it’s time for a dating switch up! When you follow these three steps, you’ll bump out of your rut onto a much happier road to real and lasting love.
Step 1: Name Your Pattern
To change your bad habit, you’ve got to see it clearly. Go through all of your significant relationship experiences and take note of three things:
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- Your partner’s primary characteristics
- How you typically felt around them
- The roles you played, such as pursuer, caretaker, teacher, etc.
Then look for the pattern. Often you’ll find one to two types you tend to fall for. Those partner qualities, feelings, and roles are your rut. Name them so you can disown them moving ahead.
Step 2: Halt the Pattern in Action
Just because you clearly see the problem doesn’t mean you’ll automatically stop engaging in those behaviors. They will still crop up. You’ll still be attracted to the bad boy, your emotional buttons will still get pushed, and you might still get sucked into the dating drama roles.
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But now you’ll notice it a lot sooner, so you can stop the progression as soon as it starts! Just stay on the lookout for the 3 parts of your rut: qualities, feelings, and roles. When they rear their ugly faces, say “I gottcha!”
Step 3: Try on an Opposite
Once a pattern crops up, it’s time to take a new action to ensure the old rut is no longer in charge. So whatever you typically do, try it’s opposite. Really, do anything but what you normally do and you’ll pop out of your negative routine... instantly.
- So if you normally pursue an emotionally distant guy, drop back and see what happens.
- If you tend to back away from conflict, stay in the conversation and notice what is different.
- If you forget to set appropriate boundaries, stand up for yourself and discover how that feels.
If every time the rut appears, you engage in a new behavior and make a different choice, before long the rut will be history and you’ll be attracting dates who make you feel great!
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