Your partner has just asked a tough question, like, “Is it OK with you if I hang out with the guys tonight (for the third time this week!)?" Or, "Does it bother you that I’ve gained 10 pounds?” Now, you’re squirming in awkward silence. You’ve got precisely 15 seconds to decide: Do I tell the truth or offer a little white lie?
If you’re like most women, it’s tempting to offer up what seems like an innocent fib, “Oh sure, have a great time. Tell the guys I said hello.” That’s because many women have a deeply ingrained desire to please, reinforced by societal standards that suggest that women should avoid offending others at all costs.
But what most women aren’t aware of are the subtle, but growing costs of cumulative white lies. Although the little fib is usually used to make someone feel better or avoid hurting their feelings, over time, it actually has the opposite effect on your relationship.
In fact, avoiding the truth actually puts stress on your relationship, eventually creating feelings of distance, resentment, and dissatisfaction. So, even LITTLE white lies aren’t doing your relationship any favors.
The next time you’re tempted to take the easy way out and offer a fib, realize that those uncomfortable moments are actually invitations to step closer to your partner by offering your authentic thoughts and feelings.
When you learn to always share your truth from a heart-felt place, it will have a freeing effect on you both that actually increases feelings of trust, closeness, and commitment. And best of all, your needs will be met more of the time.
We want to hear from you. Is a little white lie
But how do you offer your truth in a way that will bring you closer, not push your partner away? It’s easy once you master the Truth Sandwich.
Serving Up a Truth Sandwich: 3 Steps to Sharing Your Truth in Any Situation
The essence of a truth sandwich is that you find a way of sharing your real thoughts and feelings that will lift up your partner, not bring him or her down. To do this, it’s easy to sandwich your truth between 2 relationship-bonding statements.
Step 1: Appreciate their Intent
If your man wants to hang with the guys again, let him know you really appreciate him asking your opinion first. Try a statement like, “I really appreciate you checking in with me about your plans- that’s so thoughtful.”
Step 2: Offer a Gentle Version of Your Truth
Once you’ve opened up with appreciation, you’ve softened the way for your truth. Continue with a gentle way to share how you really feel.
If you’ve been missing your guy and really wish he’d hang with you instead, try something like, “You know, I was just thinking about how much I’ve been missing some one- on- one time with you.”
Step 3: Wrap Up with a Suggestion
Then finish with a suggestion that will bring you closer together.
Experiment with something like, “Maybe we could meet for some sushi then crash on the couch for a movie instead? Or if you’re really jazzed about being with the guys tonight- let’s schedule a date later this week.”
This way you are still offering him free choice. But chances are, once you opened up and let your partner know how much you’ve been craving some time together, he’ll actually rather spend time with you! By having the courage to share how you really feel, you create the opportunity for more closeness, which is a win-win for you both.
We want your take- are white lies, no matter how little, bad for your relationship or are they a simple part of life? If you do tell fibs here and there, what is acceptable and what is not?