Picture this. You spend one fantastic night with a handsome guy and are wooed by his charming personality. But before you get hung up on his smile and his amazing body, you kick the thought in the butt. It was after all a one-night stand, right? You look down at your vibrating phone and realize you have one missed call. It’s from him! Instantly your heart starts pounding and your body is overwhelmed with butterflies. As the thought crosses your mind, “Could this be something?”
This is a typical female response (it is in our anatomical make-up, girls) to the sneaky male routine. He follows up the next day and asks you out for drinks. Your knees get weak and you get too excited, believing that this is real. Why else would he call? You two spend another great night together; in fact you spend the weekend together. He’s sweet and caring and you feel all the warm fuzzy feelings of an instant connection. And before you know it, it’s Monday and then Friday and still, no call from him. Two weeks pass and your heart sinks. Just like Mr. One Night Stand, this guy too has disappeared into the atmosphere....that black hole of "never to be heard from again."
“But, if he wasn’t interested, then why would he call back in the first place? Why would he put so much effort into the entire weekend and then just stop? What was the point of it?” And then the usual negative thought will enter your mind: “I must have done something wrong. Maybe it’s because I need to lose weight or dye my hair or get a boob-job, etc…”
“Stop!” Our nationally acclaimed relationship therapist Alisa Ruby Bash, is here to silence those pessimistic thoughts and assure you that Mr. Mystery’s actions have nothing to do with you. In fact his actions aren’t at all that curious, but rather are part of a popular phenomenon known as the “Two Night Stand” or the “Weekend Fling.”
Bash explains, “The reasons why he didn’t call back are simple.” Here are the possibilities:
- He doesn’t want a relationship and just wanted to sleep with you, and many other women.
- He is cheating on his significant other, who’s away for the weekend.
- He is a commitment phobe.
- He decided from the get-go that you were not the one.
(But, why call in the first place?)
“Easy,” Bash says. “He was feeling all the good endorphins of your first night together and wanted more. Perhaps, he even got attached to you. And then something happened after the second date. Maybe, he got back together with an ex, met someone new (for someone addicted to new thrills, this is probable), or isn’t looking for something serious.” Or simply put, he wanted all the lovey-dovey benefits of a relationship without the hassle and arguments of a real commitment. So you were the solution for last weekend, and now he’s moved on to finding next weekend’s fix.
“It is hard to hear, and frustrating to be on an emotional rollercoaster like that,” Bash empathizes. The problem is that we women are made differently. Whereas we are looking to find Mr. Right, fall in love, and settle down, men are sometimes just looking for Ms. Right Now. Sounds cliché, but it’s the truth.
Think about it this way, “at least it did not last and waste more of your time. You may never know the real answer behind why Mr. 2 Night Stand disappeared, but at least you can move on and realize that the right guy will never drop off the face of the Earth after a weekend of sex. And instead of leaving you guessing, he will go out of his way, to make sure you don’t get away!”
Recently named as one of the nation’s top 50 relationship therapists, Alisa Ruby Bash is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in the Beverly Hills, CA vicinity. She has been recently featured on NBC News, E! News, EXTRA, and Oprah.com. Bash is also the author of the upcoming book I Love You Forever If…(Secrets to Keeping the Spark Alive).