When you’ve been in a relationship for more than a few months, things start to settle down into a reasonably predictable routine. That’s great for scheduling your life, but it’s not so great for your sex life.
Routines tend to kill the spark of spontaneity that makes sex so hot in the beginning of a relationship. The good news is this: if the sex was hot and steamy at the beginning of the relationship, I have some suggestions for keeping (or returning) it that way.
Here are 6 Ways to Reclaim Your Sexual Satisfaction
1. Have more oral. I’m not talking about oral sex; I’m talking about talking. Have more conversations about what you like, want and need. Take time when you and your partner are relaxed and tell him that you want to have more sex, or more variety, or whatever it is that you want. Trust me, he’s not going to complain about better sex.
Related: What is a Normal Sex Drive?
2. Show and tell. When you’re in bed, show and tell him exactly what you want him to do. Be really clear when he does something you like: say, “Oh, I really like when you touch me like that.” Here’s a hint: moaning is not a clear signal. Men can’t be expected to interpret whether it’s pleasure or not. Even if you think your moan is clearly a happy one, use your words.
3. Be bold! Try being the one to initiate sex. Most men will absolutely love it; they feel pressured to be the initiators and they’re often confused by your signals. That confusion makes them less likely to approach you because they’re afraid of being rejected. And there’s something VERY sexy about role reversal.
4. Do your homework. Go online, ask your girlfriends, or go to an adult novelty store. Find stuff that can help you have better sex. You can’t expect your man to know how to please you if you don’t know what you want.
Related: 3 Mistakes Women Make in the Sack
5. Practice, practice, practice. Have some solo sex, experimenting with different ways of pleasuring yourself. That will give you more ways to let your partner know what you really like. It will also give you more orgasms, and the more you orgasm, the more you want to orgasm. How fun is that?
6. Give yourself a warm oil massage. In Indian tradition, this is called "Abhyanga." You heat up some sesame, sunflower or coconut oil and rub it into your entire body. Working from the feet up is energizing, while working from the head down is quieting. They’re both extremely relaxing.
Number six is intended to help you love your own body more. Women can be so self-critical that when they’re in bed, their man has no hope of pleasing them because they’re already so displeased with themselves. Sexy is a state of mind, not a dress size. That message gets lost in our culture, where we revere the young and slender. Just because you don’t look like a Victoria’s Secret model does not mean you can’t have your share of sexual satisfaction.
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Johanna Lyman is a published author, an internationally known speaker and teacher, and a Spiritual Love Coach. She is a certified life coach (CCUG) trained by CoachUniversity. Johanna combines personal experience and esoteric studies in a humorous, practical and accessible style that empowers her clients to live the fullest expression of their lives.
Her business is Romance Recovery: Whether You Stay or Go: Do It With Courage, Clarity and Ease www.romancerecovery.com. She can be reached at Johanna@romancerecovery.com.
