Most guys have less than nice flattering things to say about romantic comedies. That’s because those movies usually present an unrealistic, romanticized version of every woman’s Prince Charming. The guy who knows exactly what to say, exactly what his lady is thinking, the perfect gift to buy her, the most romantic date on which to take her, etc. THAT guy has set the romance bar at a cartoonishly unreal level for the average guy to reach. However, there’s another bit of fantasy that perpetrated by rom-coms that never gets its fair share of stricture.
Flying under the radar is this notion that the woman, after being mistreated by her bad boy partner, has this epiphany about her average, supportive, nice-guy best friend. Her best friend actually has a shot at successfully moving from friend to lover because she’s realized her real Prince Charming has been right under her nose all along!
As the 90’s would say. “NOT!”
It’s hard moving out the friendzone and heading down romance road. VERY hard. The success rate of these friends-to-lovers relationships seems, surprisingly, to be no different than any other type of romance. The problem is that when they don’t work out, the emotional toll is usually magnified. How did it NOT work? You were so great as friends? You knew each other so well. You had so much fun together? The transition should be easy…right?
In addition to the usual romantic issues, this relationship comes with its own special set of complications. My guess is that we’ve all tried to make the transition with varying degrees of success. There are no guarantees in any relationship, obviously, but here are a few things with which you absolutely must come to terms before making the move.
- You’re no longer “just friends.” – Obviously. But what does that mean? It means that you’d better be fully prepared to see another side of your new partner. You’ve heard about, and perhaps you’ve even hung out with your friend/lover’s (frover) ex’s. So you probably know all about past issues with former girlfriends. And up until then, you’ve only heard his side. But now you’re actually in it, seeing your frover from a new perspective. And some of what you see you may not like.
- You’ve crossed a serious line. – This is probably someone close to you. Which means you’re now running the real (and likely) risk of losing a friend. Hopefully, you’ve had a real discussion about how you’ll manage a break up. You know what’s harder than going from pals to bed-buddies? Breaking up with that person and trying to go back to being just friends. Almost impossible. Going into this, you’re prepared for and expecting the best. Are you prepared for the worst?
- Your Timing Could Be Wrong? – You’ve known each other for a while. Long enough to be good/great friends. So why did it take so long for you to reach the conclusion that you should move to the next level? Is it because you’ve always felt an attraction but were unsure about how he felt? Was it because you didn’t think he was your type? Were you so burned by the last guy that you think that this guy is safe? Maybe you’re on the rebound? Make sure you’ve got emotional clarity.
We’ve all tried making a friendship into something more at one time or another. But for many couples has it actually turned out successfully? Is it worth sacrificing a friendship to take a chance at potentially finding a soulmate? I’m a sucker for love, so I’d say, “Go for it!” But I surely understand why people would be hesitant. What other obstacles do frovers face, if any? Your thoughts?
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