Why you need to be clear about what's so great about you
I love what I do.
There’s simply a never-ending reserve of meaningful discussions to be had on every aspect of love, sex, dating and relationships. When this issue of “catfishing” went mainstream a few weeks ago with the revelation that a college football star had been having an online relationship for two years with a women he, and eventually the public, would discover never really existed it got me to thinking.
One of the things I’ve been doing over the last year is helping women upgrade and perfect their online dating profiles. And I realized that to a far lesser degree, there’s a whole lot of catfishing going on. Not that these women are completely fabricating personas, but they’re not really representing themselves with complete accuracy either. I don’t believe this is done with the intent to mislead, I believe this occurs because many of these women don’t realize that the way guys perceive them based on their dating profiles may not actually reflect who they really are.
But it gets even more interesting. As I scan the multitude profiles, I reach the conclusion that that there’s a bunch of women who should be called on the carpet. Some of the demands and expectations outlined in their “Must Haves” and “Dealbreakers” are juuuuuuuust a bit beyond reasonable expectation. I mean, if you’re asking a guy to be “toned and athletic” shouldn’t you also be toned and athletic? If you’re wanting a “George Clooney look-alike” isn’t it fair to expect they you’re a “Halle Berry look-alike?” If you’re wanting a “professional guy making six figures or close to it” is it reasonable to expect that you’re not working at In-N-Out Burger?
Not that there’s anything wrong with In-N-Out Burger….their burgers are delicious. But I digress…
So I’ve begun asking the question, rather bluntly, “What’s so great about YOU?” And as pointed as that query happens to be, its intended effect is to shock people into some real introspection and self-evaluation. I’ve come across women whose list of must-haves is downright silly. Not silly because they’re unreasonable but silly because they’re unreasonable for THEM.
This is a difficult conversation to have - VERY difficult - but oh-so necessary. I’ve literally had women stumped into stone silence when I ask it. I don’t say this to be mean spirited or insulting; I just want a realistic point of view. If YOU don’t know why you’re such a great catch, how could you ever expect any guy to see your greatness? And if you know you want Prince Charming, and you know you deserve Prince Charming, what do you bring to the table to interest and keep your particular Prince Charming. That doesn’t mean you have to be a supermodel or run a Fortune 500 corporation, it simply means that when you set your sights on a particular type of guy, you had better have an understanding of what initially attracts that guy and what traits will keep that kind of guy.
Oh and by the way, I’ve had women tell me, “Well, I’m hot” as the reason that Mr. Perfect is going to want her. To which I always respond, “Yeah, sure….but there’s always some one hotter – whether YOU believe it or not.”
So I ask you, as you fill out your dating profile, and you line up your list of dealbreakers, what’s so great about YOU?