You know her... the girl that's super chill and laid back, loves sports and never gets upset about anything. The one that dresses sexy all the time, shaves her legs daily (just because she likes to) and isn't big on talking, "feelings."
She's also the same girl that finds herself single (again) three to six months down the road, wondering what the heck went wrong this time?
Does this sound like you? Maybe you some of the time?
The above is an exaggerated version of what I like to call, the cool girlfriend syndrome. You meet a great guy who fits everything on your list-- good job, good looking, funny, etc. You've decided that he's perfect and you're determined to make sure he thinks that same of you. So you turn all, cool and casual. He likes you because you're not like other girls, you're more carefree, fun, sexy. You withhold certain aspects of your personality or life, for fear that they'll turn him off in the beginning.
So then why the big shock when the relationship can't make it past the 6-month point?
This is about authenticity ladies.
Being authentic, truly and completely you... that's known as authenticity. And if you're not presenting the full and authentic version of you, you're going to end up dating all the wrong men and finding yourself ALONE. No fun, right?
Why spend so much time trying to attract and keep someone that doesn't even love you for who you are? And it's not their fault if you've misrepresented yourself or withheld important details about your personality-- it's yours. All you're doing is setting yourself up for a miserable life. Being inauthentic can only lead to one of two outcomes, the first being breakup after breakup... the second? Having to commit to a life of acting like something you're not in order to keep someone from leaving.
Related: 5 Signs You're Not Ready for Dating
I don't care how great you think they make you feel, you can not be happy if you're not being true to yourself.
How to Attract the Right Man
1. Be you
This sounds obvious, but I know it can be surprisingly hard to pull off sometimes. Look, if you want to find a man that is perfect for you, that will love you totally and completely, and will want to spend forever treating you like the amazing beauty that you are... you have to be real. Up front. No withholding. No "cool girlfriend syndrome."
If you're worried that your taste in clothing, your car, or your guilty pleasures (*ahem* reality TV anyone?) will be a turn off to the person you're with, the best thing to do is OUT THEM! You don't want to be with someone who can't love you for ALL that you are, guilty pleasures and bad shoes included.
2. Get real about what you want from a man
Good looking, funny, good job... there are a lot of guys out there that can fit this bill. What about his values? His hobbies? What would the perfect day together consist of? And we're talking about the perfect day for YOU. Would it involve a walk to the craft store to pick out items for DIY decorating? Would it be a healthy, macrobiotic meal before seeing a romantic movie or documentary? The clearer you are on the kind of life you want to live and the kind of partner you want to have, the easier it will be to attract them into your life. You'll know right away when Mr. Handsome is the wrong fit and you won't be wasting either party's time.
Related: Do Nice Guys Always Finish Last?
3. Stop wasting time being perfect for the perfectly wrong guys
Hate to have to be the one to break it to you, but you're not perfect. No one is! You are however, perfectly IMPERFECT! You're ticks and pet peeves, the way you can't parallel park to save your life, or the fact that your socks rarely match. This is what makes you, YOU. You will never be perfect because it's a false perception and totally relative.
Imagine just loving yourself as you are, imperfections and all. Allowing yourself to be open and honest about your preferences and passions, and finding yourself with the most perfect man who adores ever single one of those things. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. It's absolutely possible and will be your reality if you can just stop trying to be perfect!
You want to be different, the one that gets the guy? Be different. Be you.
4. Take action now
Think about your current relationship or past relationships. Are there any areas of your life that you've withheld sharing? Do you eat oreos in secret or watch reality shows while your guy's out somewhere else? Where can you stand to be more open and authentic in your relationships?
More from GalTime:
- How to Get Ready for Love in the New Year
- Top 5 Myths Women (Still) Believe About Men
- Nine Ways to Create a Good Date in the First TEN Minutes
- 7 Burning Questions Guys Want to Ask
Stephenie Zamora is a multi-passionate entrepreneur, life coach and creator of My Awesome Life Mastery™ | For Women Who Want to Live Extraordinary Lives. She empowers women in their 20s and 30s to take ownership of their lives in order to overcome their quarter-life crisis and live a fulfilling life through the principles of personal responsibility.