Dear Dr. G.,
I just don't know how much longer I can fake things. The holidays are coming up and I want to ask my husband for a divorce. The only thing stopping me is that I don't want to ruin the holidays for my 13 and 15 year old kids. They adore their father. I've been faking a lot of things for the past year and I don't think that I can fake one more Christmas, one more smiling family photo, or one more hug with this man who is my kid's father.
Am I right in waiting until after Christmas to file for divorce? If I file during Christmas will my kids forever remember me as the grinch who stole Christmas? Your opinion, please.
A Confused Mom
Dear Confused Mom,
You are in good and plentiful company. The rate for filing for divorce skyrockets in January according to many divorce lawyers that I have spoken to. Many parents want to avoid ruining the holidays for the kids so they wait until after all the gifts are unwrapped and the kids are back to school after vacation.
Related: Stop the Holidays From Putting a Stress on Your Relationship
Nonetheless, I can assure you that your teens will probably not be surprised when you and your husband inform them that you are getting divorced. Yes, they may be upse , but I doubt that they will be surprised. Parents think that kids don't think anything of the fact that they may be sleeping in separate bedrooms or that they act like ships passing in the night. I can assure you that a 13 and a 15-year-old have been taking the temperature of your relationship with your husband for some time now.
Related: 6 Reasons Your Kids Are Stressed Out By the Holidays
Back to your original question-Are you right in waiting until after Christmas to file for divorce? Yes, you have waited this long, so a few more weeks won't hurt. Just keep in mind that this New Year's gift will not be easy to present either, so plan carefully and proceed gingerly.
Good luck,
Dr G
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Barbara Greenberg and Jennifer Powell-Lunder are authors of the hit book, "Teenage as a Second Language: A Parent's Guide to Becoming Bilingual." They've set up an interactive website for parents and teens to listen, learn and discuss hot topics and daily dilemmas. You can find it at www.talkingteenage.com.
