dating and the green-eyed monster
I once dated a man with roaming eyes. You know the type. He just had to stare into the bartender's double d's. He just had to turn around to check out the waitress because her butt was so round. It didn't matter if she was 20, 30 or 60. He just couldn't help it!
Well, there's also something I can't help - my feelings of jealousy. If a man I'm dating so much as eyes another woman in front of me, the green-eyed monster wants to come out and play. And by play I mean curse, scream and cause all kinds of havoc. Luckily, I've learned to check him at the door and reel him in (the monster, not men). Here's how you can too.
5 Ways To Deal with Jealousy
1. Count to 10. If you're the jealous type and encounter a situation where you may lose your cool, breathe in and out and count to ten. This is a form of meditation, and as you know, meditation is used to soothe our angst and bring us to peaceful euphoria. Take a page from the yogis and relax.
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2. Talk About Your Feelings. Communicating your feelings of jealousy is important and much healthier than hollering like a maniac. Whether it's you-- or it's your partner who is the jealous type, be sure to talk it out. Why are you jealous? Why does he feel jealous? There may be something that is triggering these feelings that neither of you is aware of. If so, talk about it and compromise. Discuss these questions after you (or your jealous partner) count to ten!
3. Tackle Your Insecurities. They say jealousy stems from insecurity. I tend to agree unless there is blatant disrespect (I'm talking to you, boyfriend who put his hand on a stranger's behind!). So, ask yourself why you feel threatened. Why does he feel threatened if he's the jealous type? Do you feel unworthy? Do you not feel beautiful? Do you compare yourself to other women or men? Zone in on why it is that you instinctively feel insecure, and help your partner do the same if he is the jealous type.
4. Try To See The Situation Differently. When we are jealous, we tend to jump to conclusions and sometimes we see things that aren't there. Many times that stems from insecurity and/or lack of trust due to past betrayals. How many times have you freaked out because you called your boyfriend and his phone went straight to voicemail? Where does your head go? Right to the worst possible scenario. He's with a woman! It's booty call hour! He is a cheater just like the rest of them! Usually, that's not the case. So, instead of taking it to that extreme, oh jealous one, perhaps you should think of it this way. His phone died! He doesn't have his charger! He didn't have any cell phone service! Much, much better.
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5. Decide If You Can Handle It. Jealousy can turn to control fairly quickly. If that's the case, understand what it means to be controlled by a partner. The trust is gone, as is the freedom to be you. Jealousy and control can also turn violent. If you are in a relationship where you feel physically threatened or afraid to make any moves, then please seek help.
Here's the bottom line - jealousy is not an attractive quality. Jealousy is also not love. It may feel great when a man puffs his chest because another guy eyes your caboose, but it can also turn very ugly, very quickly. So, if you're the jealous type, be an adult and learn to simmer down. Realize most of your jealousy stems from your issues and that relationships aren't about control or codependency. If you are in a relationship with a jealous man, be very aware of the when's and why's and bow out gracefully if and when the green-eyed monster transforms into The Incredible Hulk.
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Sujeiry Gonzalez is the “Latina Carrie Bradshaw” with a little more sass, a lot more Bacardi and a ton of laughs. Previously a dating blogger for Latina.com, this funny and vibrant relationship (non)expert is currently the New York Modern Love Examiner for Examiner.com. She has been featured on the PIX Morning News and La Mega (97.9FM) and has rocked the single gal relationship market since 2006. Sujeiry recently published Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles, the ultimate what-not-to-do relationship book as it chronicles her failed relationships and attempts at love.
