The following was given with permission to GalTime from KidPointz.com and written by teen parenting expert, Dr. Karen Kramer.
In addition to the cheery sounds of bells ringing and festive music playing, ‘I want it! I want it!’ is often another common sound around the holidays. With the hustle and bustle of the season comes an opportunity to shape your child’s sense of identity and giving.
Although children associate this time of year with being gift receivers, studies show that gift giving reaps the biggest psychological rewards. As parents, we can support our children by thinking about the lessons we want our children to learn.
Here are some quick parenting tips to consider:
Communicate with Your Spouse: Finances rank high on the marriage stressors. Have a healthy conversation with your spouse about the amount of money to spend on each child before you start purchasing items.
Messages and Lessons: What message are you teaching your children about holiday gift giving? What messages did you receive growing up? Are these the messages you want your children to learn and carry on to future generations? These messages can reinforce entitlement, such as “I will get everything I put on my Christmas list,” “Money is no object,” and “If I put up a fuss, I’ll get what I want.” Or, they can emphasize gratitude, such as “The holidays are more about spending time with family than receiving gifts” and “Give from the heart, not the pocket book.”
High-End Gift Items: If you are deciding to purchase a high-end gift like a smart phone, iPod, computer, or car, consider including a signed agreement on responsible use of the item. This could include when and how the item is to be used, who will be paying for additional expenses (for example: data plan, minutes, internet usage, special applications, iTunes account, insurance, gas, maintenance fees, etc.,) as well as consequences (for example: lose for 6 weeks if grades are low or give back if used at inappropriate times, etc.)
Changing Traditions: If you are making some changes to your traditional holiday gift spending plans, let children know and do it gradually so they are not disappointed. If you have a tradition of spending $500 per child on holiday gifts (not recommended,) but can only spend $100 this year due to changing financial situations, let them know gift giving will be different this year. Encourage them to be part of the change by reducing their own spending or coming up with non-financial gift ideas. The below ideas can help.
Parents can teach kids that gift giving can be less about spending money, and more about putting your heart and creativity to the task.
Donations: Donate money to a charity on your child’s behalf. This can teach a lesson of “sharing with those less fortunate.” Allow older children the option of picking their charity themselves.
Coupons: Create a coupon book of special things that can be used throughout the year, such as staying up an extra hour, a chore-free day, family movie night, bike ride day, etc.
Pictures: Whether photos, color copies, or hand-drawn pictures, provide memories of special moments throughout the year in a picture frame, scrapbook, photo book or poster. Decorate a picture frame with a favorite photo for a special touch.
Memory Book: My mother-in-law created a large scrapbook for my son when he was 2 years-old. Each year, she provides him a set of pages to add to his scrapbook. These pages include pictures of him throughout the year as part of a creative, fictional story. My son, soon to be 9 year old, loves it! It’s also a great to review past “stories” from previous years.
Baked Items: Does your family have a favorite holiday treat? Bake your child’s favorite holiday cookies, cakes or meal and let them know that you made it especially for them. Or let them help you bake all of your favorite holiday treats, package them up and deliver them to family and friends.
Special Letters: As long as I can remember, my parents have written letters to me on various birthdays and special holidays over the years. The letters (usually a page or two) would include their views on what was going on in my life, how proud they were of me, or their thoughts and hopes for my future. I’ve saved those letters over the years, and they now serve as a time capsule of special memories. I’ve passed this tradition onto my children who in turn write special Christmas letters of their own to me.
Contributions: Encourage your child to purchase small gifts for their siblings or grandparents using their own money (from chores, allowance, etc). Even if you take them to the 99 cent store for a small item, it will mean more to the giver and the receiver if it is purchased with your child’s own money and thoughtfulness.
What special messages or learnings do you want your children to take away from their holiday experience? A sense of entitlement or gratitude? You have an opportunity to make a difference in their lives now and in the future, one present at a time.
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