For better or worse...
1) You’ve recently given up on your morning ritual of counting and adding up the number of hours of sleep both you and your baby got the night before because you’d honestly rather not know.
2) In the back of your mind, you always have a list of extra errands you can run to prolong your baby’s nap in case she falls asleep in the stroller, carrier, or car seat while you’re out and about.
3) You’ve gone from obsessively sanitizing everything that might come within three feet of your baby to haphazardly running a dirty pacifier under the lukewarm faucet because you’ve finally accepted the fact that your baby is going to get sick and there’s absolutely nothing you can do to stop it.
4) Whether you find yourself at a restaurant, a park, or stuck in traffic, you can confidently entertain your baby for hours with nothing more than a sugar packet, a crunchy leaf, or by tooting your car’s horn.
5) Like the mama in March of the Penguins, if you somehow found yourself lost in a sea of a thousand screaming babies, you would not only be able to easily pick out your own baby’s cry among them, but you’d have a pretty good idea from the sound of it exactly what he needed.
6) Without breaking a sweat, you can feed your baby with one hand, change her diaper with the other, and keep her quiet and happy with your animated facial expressions all while doing business on an important conference call on your hands free device.
7) Your body doesn’t even bother to tell you it’s hungry, tired, or needs to go to the bathroom until your baby is down for her nap.
8) There have been days when you ate nothing more than a giant bag of Chex Mix that you wolfed down while on line at the drugstore waiting to pay for your baby’s prescription.
9) Ever since your baby was born, you can’t make it past the first ten minutes of any Pixar movie without breaking down in tears.
10) You can tell if another woman is a mom, grandma, older sister, or favorite aunt by precisely the way she talks to and holds your baby.
Jodi Lipper and Cerena Vincent are co-authors of The Hot Chick Books!
Live Like a Hot Chick
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