Sleepovers: A Recipe for Drama? | Parenting

Remember how much fun it was to gossip about cute boys and play Truth or Dare at slumber parties?

If you're now a mom whose daughter is dying to throw a slumber party for her friends (boys are less interested in sleepovers), the idea of kids getting into mischief under your roof might sound a bit scary. But experts say that while sleepovers can be a recipe for drama, a little organization and supervision can make for great parties – for you and the kids.

Julie A. Ross, executive director of Parenting Horizons and author of several parenting books, says sleepovers tap into tweens' desire to be more independent and spend time with friends. At slumber parties, kids learn how to function as part of a group and work through disagreements.

Donna Corwin, who's also written several books on parenting, adds that hosting a slumber party gives a tween practice at being a good host – planning meals and snacks everyone can eat, picking movies and games all her friends will enjoy. And going to a slumber party shows your child what other families are like.

Still, inviting a bunch of tweens into your house almost guarantees conflict. Corwin warns that at least one girl will feel excluded, some will want to sleep while the others want to talk, and younger kids might have trouble being away from their parents.

As has always been the case, Ross says some girls will take the opportunity to bad-mouth other kids. The difference today is that they can now spread rumors online. "Tweens don't often understand the serious nature of putting someone down in a public space. It feels private because they're in private when they're doing it," she says. "The worst we could do was make a phone call to someone and disguise our voice."

How can you strike a balance between keeping an eye on the girls and letting them have fun?

Make a schedule. Shenanigans are more likely if kids have no structure. "Parents really need to take the reins and have a planned party," Corwin says. "You can't let it be a free-for-all." If your tween is hosting a party, sit down with her beforehand and choose specific times to play games, eat dinner, watch a movie and go to bed. Let your child take the lead choosing decorations and movies (age-appropriate, of course). Keep to the schedule during the party.

Follow the rules. Remind your child and her friends of your rules and values, like avoiding gossip and keeping food out of the living room. Before the guests arrive, Ross says, tell your tween that you know some parties get out of hand – and add, "I trust that's not going to happen at this one."

Turn off the computer. Ross says you probably won't be able to separate party guests from their cell phones, but you can still keep Internet use to a minimum. "Parents have the right at sleepovers to limit the technology in some way," she says. "They certainly can say there's no computer, there's no iChatting, there's no Skyping."

Designate a "sleeping room" and a "talking room." Some kids need more sleep than others. Corwin says separate rooms prevent conflict between them.

Keep your eyes and ears open. Be in the background during the party. Don't interfere unless it's necessary, but feel free to pop in randomly – perhaps to ask if the girls want more popcorn.