While the Stay at Home vs. Working Mom debate rages on, I find myself fighting (internally) for a different group of moms who’ll never have to duke it out for the “Who Has it Harder” title.
Hands down, bottom line, no ifs, ands or buts: Being a single mom is harder than any Target running or career juggling mom’s life. Why? Because we have to do both of those. Simultaneously. And maybe (never) wash our hair.
I have a hard time, however, when our “plight” gets little sympathy. When people insinuate that single motherhood is a choice—that even if a woman chose to leave a marriage or (gasp) chose to have children without a partner, that the burdens and challenges she might face are her fault. Like, You made your bed, now lie in it.
As a single mom, this has probably been one of my biggest hurdles: How to allow myself to feel the stress, pressure, and “holy sh*tness” of being a single parent, without feeling guilty about how or why I got here. This is not easy…. especially when the second biggest emotional hurdle is pity. Oh, I do love a good pity party every now and again, especially on the days that absolutely nothing is going right. Flat tire? I’m alone. Big bill come in? I’m alone. Spill my Starbucks on my favorite dress? Son of a b*tch, and oh, yep. Still alone!
However, I’ve found that there are a few things that I can do to minimize the 'woe is me' sessions. Things that I can do to feel great about where I am in life, challenges and all.
1) Punch it out. Literally. For whatever reason, when I take a Tae Bo or boxing class, my 'inner badass, don’t mess with me' rules and literally squashes all my “Am I good enough?” feelings. For whatever reason, severe sweat sessions curb all the doubt I have about my strength and ability to be a single mom. We all know working out relieves stress, blah blah blah. But a workout where there is punching and kicking involved totally destroys not just anxiety and pressure (that we all face), but makes me feel like I’m a warrior-- Like a soldier that’s been in the trenches and is coming out Rambo-style to take on anyone that gets in my way.
2) Don’t Go to the Park. Ooooooooobviously, you have to take your kids to the park. Oooooooobviously. But let’s face it, there are about 101 reasons to dislike the park and for a single mom, I feel like the hate factor goes up infinitely on the weekends. Or holidays. (Dear god, please do not go to the park by yourself and your child on a 3- day weekend or it’s slit wrist city). Especially in the beginning, going to the park and seeing all the “happy” families can be very depressing and can totally spark the “What have I done?” ,“Was this the right choice?”, “Can I do this?” emotions. However, once you get enough practice going solo in the family activity arena, there is something slightly empowering and even special about having one on one time at the park with just you and your little one…even while knowing your spouse isn’t at home watching the game….
3) Get Everyone Out of The House... In the Morning. Okay, this is going to sound crazy, but there is something incredibly satisfying and empowering knowing that on certain mornings, I single-handedly got myself and my child (who behaves like a wild octopus in the mornings), dressed, ready, FED and out the door. When my son started preschool, for whatever reason, walking him in to school made me proud knowing I got him there by myself. I felt like an adult. A strong, confident, in-charge adult who could take on the world. Something about knowing I had given him oatmeal, yogurt, a fruit and packed an equally healthy lunch, while managing to make sure my makeup was in tact and my own lunch maybe even packed made me feel like I had single motherhood down pat and that, frankly, I kind of rocked it. It’s not a major feat, I'm aware. But it’s enough of a nudge to keep you out of 'woe is me' land for at least a few hours….
What do you think? Leave me a comment...
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