Do High-Tech Parents Know Too Much About Their Kids? | Parenting

Helicopter Parenting: Is it Time to Use Your Parachute?

Technology’s partnership with social media has changed the way we live. It has also changed the way we parent. The accessibility of the Internet has resulted in a whole new host of worries for parents of teens. The worries range from who our kids are connecting with to what they are posting and, as such, revealing about themselves and others. The worries and woe of modern technology do have a flip side, however.

Back when I was a teen we actually talked on the telephone, in our bedrooms, with the door closed, to ensure that our parent’s weren’t listening in. These days, parents have more than a few ways to surreptitiously monitor their kids' every move. Who could ever have imagined a world in which you could actually track your teen’s comings and going via satellite technology. Voila, cell phones with GPS capabilities!

All of our worrying has resulted in a lot of communication between parents and teens about Internet safety. The good news is that teens are actually listening. The most recent research on Internet safety confirms that our teens are safer and savvier. The majority of tweens and teens do not give out personal information to people they do not know on online. They are also not shy about using security tools such as blocking and reporting concerning or inappropriate conduct to the social media website administrators.

The question that remains: has all this technology also created a set of parents who frankly know too much about what their kids are thinking, feeling and doing? How does one find the balance? You can almost literally track your tween or teen’s every move thanks to this same technology.

Want to know what happened at that party over the weekend? Simply log on to your teen’s Facebook page. Want to read their texts, e-mails, view the photos and videos they are posting? With a little information and a few taps on your computer or phone you have their lives laid out in front of you.

Well, I for one am not so sure how I feel about this. Back in the day, our parents really knew very little beyond the basics-- where we were, or rather where we were supposed to be (sorry mom, dad) and whom we were with. As long as we came home when we were supposed to and did not present as disheveled or under the influence it was all good.

There is a point where a parent can be monitoring too much. These folks are affectionately known as ‘helicopter parents.’ You know the type. Their technology is set up like a control center. They know everything about their kids all the time. They do not hesitate to jump in on a good piece of gossip or to re-direct. They are the affirmation that George Orwell had it right in his classic 1984... although instead of answering to ‘Big Brother’; it is in reality mom and dad who are always watching.

I am sure you know someone who fits this description, perhaps it is you. Of course your teens are often one step ahead, they know how to negotiate their technology, and as such they also know how to fly around a hovering parent. That however, does not solve the problem. At a time when we have the ability to communicate consistently in real time, we would expect communication between kids and parents to be stronger than ever. After all, as I always say: “When your parents aren’t anxious your life is beautiful.”

Parents no longer need to be anxious because the can communicate when they want to ensure their children’s safety. So, you may be wondering, what’s the problem? The problem is that too much of anything can turn into a bad thing. In some cases, parents are even more anxious because they know what their teens are doing all the time. I am sure you can think back to something you did as a teen that you are glad your parents never found out about, or least did not know about at the time. I know I can. Teenagers need to assert their autonomy and independence. It is part of their job. It is these abilities that help them successfully transition to adulthood. When parents hover too closely they do not allow their teens to truly spread their wings. If they can’t spread their wings, it follows that they can't learn to fly.

Perhaps it is time to take out that parachute and jump out of that helicopter. Your teens will not only be grateful you did but they will probably seek out your advice on the best ways to fly.

Thoughts?