When's The Last Time You Had a Tiff With Yourself?

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by Melanie Berezan

I have a green scaly bug-eyed devil named Tiff. She’s my little – but loud – inner voice and I always picture her as a portly green monster sitting on my shoulder, doing her best to weigh me down with her negativity. (Why Tiff? It’s the name of a particularly nasty girl I once knew. I know it’s petty to use her name, but it makes me happy.)

Never is the whiny side of inner-voice-Tiff louder than when I’m running.

“Stop…Stop….STOP.” She pleads petulantly with each footfall, from the moment I close the front door to the moment I come back to my driveway. “You’re tired. You’re not strong enough. You’re not an athlete. You’ll never be a good runner. Why don’t you just give up and go home? Go sit your ass on the couch and scarf down some chips and beer.”

I used to argue with her voraciously. After all, I don’t even particularly like beer.

Arguing never worked well, though, and only resulted in funny looks as I ran down the street talking loudly to my shoulder.

When I first started running, there were many times I let Tiff bully me. After all, the effort of running is uncomfortable; there is the pounding, the shaking of anything that jiggles, the desperate gasping of breath and let’s not even start talking about hills.

“Stop. Stop. Stop.” Tiff’s voice can be amazingly hypnotizing, mesmerizing me until I want to give in and rest, to walk for just a little while.

But I’ve learned to shush her. The turning point for me was joining a running group – where just the thought of being left behind kept me going, ignoring Tiff so I didn’t make the group stop and wait for me. The cheery support of the group leaders and fellow runners also helped immensely. It was a relief not to have to battle my inner voice anymore, but to just follow the group and go with the flow, losing myself in the fun banter as we ran. Suddenly, runs were fun – still work (actually, even harder work), but shared with others the burden was much lighter.

And it was in the running group that I learned that I have a choice – I don’t need to listen to that negative little whiner. I learned you can tune out your negative inner voice by ignoring it and you can also stifle it with distraction, but that the best way of all to quiet it is by building up your self-confidence.

One of the leaders of my running group had a strict rule – no complaining. Complaining, she said, was poison to the group. She said one person’s complaint would spread like a virus to everyone else. She was adamant about her rule and I’ll never forget the lecture she gave to one poor man who just couldn’t keep his negative inner voice inside his head.

I think he said something pretty innocuous like, “Wow this is tough,” and our run leader’s head whipped around and she stopped the run and right then in front of everyone she asked him to make a choice: be positive (or at least quiet) or leave the group. Although I thought she was being harsh I’ve come to realize just how right she is (although perhaps she could have handled it better). Negativity is contagious – remember the saying, misery loves company - and the more you listen to negativity, the stronger it becomes. Negativity sucks the hard-won self-confidence right out of you, undoing all the positive work you’ve accomplished.

Don’t let it do that to you. Like me, you can do it, you are strong and you can be an athlete. You need to find your own path, but somewhere, that path is waiting for you, just like it was for me.

Over the years, each new running accomplishment made that whiny little inner voice named Tiff quieter and quieter. After all, now I know that Tiff was wrong; I can do it. I’ve done many 10ks, I’ve done many half marathons, I’ve ran a few personal bests. I’ve run for four hours straight. I’ve run through rain, sleet, snow and sniffles. I know I am strong enough and that I am as much of an athlete as I allow myself to be. Oh I know I’ll never win a race, but that’s not what’s important. What’s important is beating that nasty little inner voice named Tiff, not the other runners.

Every once in a while, Tiff’s voice becomes stronger. Bad runs happen and Tiff loves to pipe up and remind me that she’s still on my shoulder waiting to mess with my head. But every time she does I give myself a little smile and think about what I’ve accomplished and I know Tiff will never be heavy on my shoulder again.

Melanie Berezan, co-founder of Girl Get Strong , gives her unique take on fitness with a splash of humor and a dash of sass! She is a mother, writer, entrepreneur and fan of all types of fitness. www.girlgetstrong.com