And I forgot to put in the beginning of my other comment...
Even the teachers at my school were mean!
So how I had no friends and everything?I always had my hair in my face and you could hardly see it..
so once my teacher was handing out papers and she said
"Mariah..Mariah...oh,there you are.I couldn't see you because your hair was in your face."
The she started making fun of me and laughing and everything...
Anyway thats what i forgot in my other comment vvvvvvv

I was sooo shy when I was a kid in elementary school.I wouldn't eat at lunch,I had no friends,
I didn't even play at recess.You see a little 7-year old 2nd grader walking around all by herself,
feeling so miserable.It got so bad (I had no friends,that's why.) that I got basically depressed in
2nd and 3rd grade.Crazy,huh?

Somewhere between middle-of-the-year third grade and the beginning of fourth,I came out of my shell.
I even made a 3 best friends!Just when things where looking up for me,I go back to Square 1.
The 3 best friends I had made?They were sisters.And they had to move to a whole different city.

There I was again,a fourth grader,playing by herself.Sometimes,peaceful sessions on the swings.Or,
adventurous times on the slide.But there were these 2 girls..I was embarrased to play in front of.
I thought I had to act sophisticated around them.I'd casually waltz to the other playground.
Finally,after months of lonely school days,I got 2 more best friends.We saw eye-to-eye.Or so I thought.
After months of a what I thought was an awesome friendship,I find out one of them is talking about me
behind my back.My other best friend told me.(Karen is the one who talked about me.Emma is the one who
told me.)Turns out that Karen said I was fat,ugly,my house was nasty,etc.You get the idea.I was so upset
I told Emma I had to get off the phone.I ran to my pillow and cried my heart out.After that,I was angry
as a bull.I wrote in my diary and called my friend two-faced and a back-stabber,what she is.I stopped
talking to Karen.I told my mom,she called Karen's mom,and Karen lied.She said I made everything up and
she'd NEVER do that.She even threw in that I bit her 5 times!!I was so mad I felt like a ticking time bomb.I felt like calling Karen and going off on her.I stomped to my room and slammed my door.
Karen called me later that day.She said that these two brats in our class,Michelle and Courtney,were
saying bad things about her dad.(Who just got a divorce with her mother.)She wanted sympathy.Her apology was,"Let's not talk about eachother anymore,okay?" But I had never talked about her.
I hung up on her.
I don't talk to Karen to this day.But me and Emma are like PB&J.(haha all this typing probably didnt halp at all.)
But my point is,let them grow out of it.
They'll know who their true friends are.

You know there's a FINE line between shyness and not even wanting to socialize with ANYBODY.
And people,their personalities,backgrounds,lifes, are all different.These tips can't be some sort of "1 size fits all" type of thing.First you have to figure out if you're shy or if you just don't want to make
any social contact whatsoever.Then you can join like a group thing or something like an activity or something like that and meet people.Make friends.Then,you can go do stuff with them and meet more people.
My point is,people are different.They need different plans to follow to get the results they need.
Simple.




Sincerely,Kimmy Lynn Cuteness (;

THIS ARTICLE DOESNT HELP BECAUSE THERE IS NO PORGNO HERE

I think when you are comfortable with yourself you can be open with others.

Were'ed the rest of my rant go? I had a nice little rant going about how this advice was for KIDS and NOT FOR TEENS, and about how parents complaining that their kid doesn't get out much only makes things worse, and it got DELETED! stupid frigging computer......

(Adding to the list of people who are/were shy)
I am shy. Kinda. I'm not too good with starters, but if I like the conversation I'll add my two pence. Wow I even type as if I'm British. (Everyoone I know says I act/sound as if I British- Never been out of the states)

I'm 18 now and pretty shy. When I was younger, about the time up until highschool, I was very outgoing. I was captain of my football team and always a leader. Then I got into high school and i went through changes for some reason. All of a sudden i cared sooo much about what people thought of me. I never thought of myself as being shy until people started telling me i was. It made me feel worse and i began to become more and more shy because I let people put labels on me. But you don't have to listen to everything people say, dont let it bring u down. Also don't over think it and don't let it become an obsession that seems to overcome every aspect of your life, that will just make it worse. Moreover, look at your family or your mom and dad and find out if they were ever shy, it could just be gene passed down to you. The pain hurts but trust me one day you will overcome it.

omg people! seriously! parents were kids once! so of course they know what we are going through! and if you dont like the article i get your point! but if your to the point where you cant look at someone with out getting nervous that is a mental disorder! it is nothing seriously bad but it means someone has messed with your confidence! trust me i go to therapy for it! and the article is for kids AROUND 5 years old.it may work on a ten yr old but i highly doubt that. i mean a kid could write a book about this but they most likely wouldnt be taken seriously because they dont have ph.d's and a license in phycology!

Alright, I'm shy. Is there something wrong with that? Honestly, people are all different, some will grow out of it, others will need some help. I'm 16 and I never really thought of myself as shy until people descrbed me that way 'cause I was quiet. I was a little kid, what did they expect? Anyway, I've gotten more shy. It doesn't mean I don't know how to act in social situations, it's just a little harder for me. I get by, though some people are harder for me talk to than others. I gravitate towards outgoing people because they usually help by influencing me or will provide the conversation. Also it's easier for me to get to know people one on one. Sometimes...

I'm 13 years old and I'm pretty shy. I won't answer the phone, most people I know in person I talk to online only because I have to repeat myself in person and I'm not as comfortable when talking face to face. When I was a little kid I wasn't even a little shy. But at home my dad yelled at me a lot even yelled at me because I didn't do something correctly, he tried to teach me to borrow in math when I was in 1st grade and I didn't get it and kept yelling at me, yelled at me in public when we're doing something really pointless to me like miniature golf, and he even yelled when I couldn't hear him and I can't hear very well, sometimes in my left ear I'd hear something like a whistle then I wouldn't be able to hear out of that ear for awhile. So eventually I clammed up, didn't go outside much and stayed in my room, and avoided him as much as possible. Now in school I'm the quietest "best behaved" kid in class, have good grades. But I can't read a sentence from a book to the class without getting nervous and stutter or without my face feeling hot, sweat or turn red and speed through a reading. Plus, my best friend is a dog. But I'll make eye contact with people, but it makes me nervous especially when they're smiling at me, it's creepy to me. People try to get to talk to them asking me stupid questions if I speak english or if I'm totally deaf, then people that never talked to me before say Hi or ask if I'm their friend, depending on how outgoing or talkative they are determines how much it scares because I'm not used to it. I'm friends with people that I've known for a long or how much I have much in common with them which isn't very many people. I just think for some people shyness is their own parents' fault.

Based on my personal experience - more than 16 years with PDD-NOS ("Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified," or, "we don't know, but it's a something like Autism") - I think these methods would not themselves affect shyness. However, they would improve the impression shy children make on their peers, and successful interactions boost social confidence and prevent the creation of a self-perpetuating state of isolation. (In case anyone's worried, I don't talk like this at high school . . . well, not always.)

Well, I'm shy. Hella shy. (Not on the internet, d'uh, 'cause it isn't direct.)
This article seems... a little useless, really. I'm sorry.
But there are people who are just SHY THAT WAY. They're bashful. They avoid others. They really PREFER being alone. I fall under the latter. Personally, I'm not a fan of social situations.
However, I can fake it like a pro.
No matter how painful it feels, I will make eye contact if the other person shows signs of expecting it (tilting their head, being insistent, moving closer to see if you're looking at them). If they're not, I find myself looking down or somewhere over ther shoulder, or just pretending to observe what's going on around me whilst talking. Dependng on their responses and body movement, I'll give longer or shorter replies or make gestures to emphasize something. I'll feign interest. I'll smile even if I haven't been listening. And sometimes I will remember a key point and bring it up later. People love when you remember what they've said.

My mom is full-blooded Korean, and for those who don't know, it's a "do-or-die" way of being raised. When we were younger (I have an older sister and a younger brother, each only a couple years apart from me), my mom not only disciplined us, but instilled FEAR in us. We didn't disobey for fear that we'd get the whooping of a lifetime, and you know, it worked. I'm not angry at her at all, either.

But this does affect the way a child socializes. going from oldest to youngest:

My older sister, now 20 years, is the most antisocial and misanthropic of the bunch. The friends that she has are the ones she's known for years. She dislikes socializing, because she deems it useless.

Me, on the other hand, I talk when there's a common subject, but for the most part I observe the way other people act. I'm more of a chameleon, and if the mood is calm, so am I. If everyone's hyped up, then I'll show some enthusiasm. I have many friends, but only a few I'd consider close.

My younger brother is the most talkative. He's the exact opposite of my sister. He has many friends, and it's easy for him to talk to people. But sometimes he gets a little ahead of himself and doesn't think before speaking.

We were all raised in the same house with the same parents. I think it's a matter of how the child reacts to their environment, how they adapt. Isn't that what even adults try to do? I'm 17, and by my observations of the people around me, it's just a race to see who's the fastest and most adept to adapt.

wow, all that typing, and that probably didn't help anybody ._.

tl;dr just spend a lot of time with your kids, encourage a happy, optimistic behavior. Parents who can make their kids laugh even when they've become teens will have helped their child much more than a parent who can't.

there is a difference between shy and avoidant personality disorder, maybe people are getting them confused

I'm shy, and I notice that lately I've been trying to make eye contact with people. I just feel like I can't really talk to my group at school about things because once we talk about the basic things, then what? Sometimes I also feel like my life isn't very interesting, and personally I don't think I have a very good sense of humor. I guess I kinda like my personality and who I am. But I have online friends and we seem to get along really well and I'm not afraid to talk to them. There's also this one quote from a book I read and I toootally agree with it.
"It's funny--when people call you 'shy,' they usually smile. Like it's cute, some funny little habit you'll grow out of when you're older, like the gaps in your grin when your baby teeth fall out. If they knew how it felt--really being shy, not just unsure at first--they wouldn't smile. Not if they knew how the feeling knots up your stomach or makes your palms sweat or robs you of the ability to say anything that makes sense. It's not cute at all."

so basically, from the perspective of children...the best way for a parent to get you to open up to them is to leave you alone? If you say these strategies don't work and proceed to bash every single strategy, the least you kids can do is provide some tips for parents.

Trust me being shy is not a bad thing. I'm actually still pretty shy (im 15 now). The people that are shy are usually believe it or not alot more nicer and cooler people than the ones who are all 'look at me look at me'. I usually dont say much, not because i dont want to its just i never have anything to say. I still to this day dont make much eye contact, unless necessary of course. But for the parents out there that have shy kids these steps if you ask me would make it worse especially #1 because forcing someone to look at your eyes doesnt help anyone. And dont worry about there shyness itll slowly fade. Even if the shyness doesnt fade its not that big of a deal i mean let people be who they are dont try to change them.

I'm deffinately shy. I blush all the time and I avoid anyone I don't want to talk to. When I meet people, like other kids for a school project or teachers at some school orientation night, I do look off into the background because it's usually just someone else talking to them and the conversation doesn't pertain to me at that moment in time. If we'll be working together later, we will. But then. I guess it's me being so shy I'm not interested in a lot of unnecesary social contact. People say I talk kind of quietly but I'm tiny and the only way I could be a whole lot louder would be by using a shrieking kind of voice, using higher ones and my normal pitch. And I would sound like a druck duck.

i understand completely about the eye contact and i agree with you - to a point. i think that yes, eye contact for those who are shy and younger is not the best way to start, BUT as parents you can teach your kids to have eye contact at least with family members and close friends and family friends. my kids are twelve, seven, five and three. when i ask them to do something (ex. wash your hands then set the table for dinner) i always have them stop what theyre doing, look right at me, and then tell them what im wanting to tell them. then, once i tell/ask them, i ask them to repeat it by saying "now what did i ask?" i have always gotten a great response from my kids and from the kids i care for (i run a day care). kids respond well to this type of eye contact and it reduces stress for all and tention in the home. see, eye contact can be good

really a kid should write a big book about kids i think . nobody cant understand kids except the other kids.
i mean duh invite some CEO,S and they say to talk to them. OMG LOL

hey even though i am kinda shy i always speak openly. duh whats the big deal

TRUST GOD TO HELP YOU OUT OF SHYNESS. NEED A PEN FRIEND ABOUT MY AGE-17...

Making eye contact would be the worst of the suggestions. I'm shy, and although I do talk openly I never make eye contact.
Why? Because not everyone is worthy of my trust.
Those who are, I make it look like I'm looking at them in the eye, if only to show some kind of respect.
Being shy ins't bad, it means we know better about society and we watch how sad the people are to the world.

Well,to start off with i was very shy growing up. My mom and dad were always coaxing me to be more open and talkative, but at a young tender age as I was i didnt know how. Parents jus coax a little bit and eventually your kids will grow out of the shy stage it may take time but ......make sure you set up plenty of play dates for your children because when they break out of their shell, you will know it.

As a child, I was extremely shy, and my mom tried all sorts of things like this, though I would just cry during play-dates, when she would tell me to look her in the eye, or when she tried to rehearse talking. I would rebel against using conversation starters, and being paired with a younger child was just like someone my own age; I wouldn't talk to them or play with them. But, it all depends on the child. The majority of things did not work, and I still refuse to talk on the phone and have trouble meeting new people, but just being around people and in school helped me a lot. Not being forced to have play-dates or to make eye contact. Still to this day, I can't stand in front of my peers and present a project without studdering or freezing up, but that's just because I'm extremely shy. Different things work for different people, though.

Literally the most annoying thing a parent or teacher can do to kids is make the look them in the eye. It's not so bad when you just casually bring up one day that looking someone in the eye is a good thing to do, but to stop dead in a conversation and say something so juvenile and controlling as "Put your eyes on mine!" is totally ridiculous and will make your kid think you're stupid. Especially don't do it if you're trying to punish your kid and they look at the ground and you grab their face or yell at them to "LOOK AT ME WHEN I A TALKING TO YOU!" and it's probably the reason they're not. From the typewriter of a teenager, take it or leave it.

Honestly if you think number two is correct, then your a bit dense. I have always been very shy, but non-verbal contact has always been the easiest. I can even talk to a person a hell of a lot easier in person that I can on the phone. I panic and start to stress out at the thought of having to make a phone call and I ain't the only one. I know a low of people who are like me...

Of course I must add a comment. First let me say I hate how critical people are. I mean obviously no one has all the answers, the writer was just offering some advice. Dag. Moving forward...,

As a shy kid myself I've learned there's nothing wrong with being shy. If you are shy you'll probably turn out fine, its just a different world or lifestyle for you, nothing wrong with that. But if your just not content being yourself or it not helping with the life youde like to lead I find that shyness is overcome with comfort. Seek the familar in all situations and if there is none, be open to new things. What has helped me most is example. I have a great boss who is just a friendly easy going guy who can talk to anyone easily. I mean really sometimes its ridiculas, but through his example Ive learned you dont have anything to fear. So shy guy find yourself a positive mentor.

I would also like to add if you are one of those overly concerned parents "Oh my child cant adjust" or "They're so different" stop making them feel like they're not good enough or that they need to change. The reason they're so shy is probably your fault anyway.

I've read a lot of the responses, ignoring the idiotic ones (they stand out). Clearly, these 5 suggestions don't work for everyone, but it seems to me that a lot of responders are very angry, perhaps out of frustration that this article was not the panacea they might have thought. Having been shy as a child and remembering why, I can say that some of these would have worked for me, especially the conversation openers and how to handle social situations. I personally believe that a lot of shy people, not all, lack confidence in these social situations and learning techniques and methods, and then practicing, could help. It looks like all of the responses were written on the same day, the same day the article was published? Were these actually given a fair chance? It might take days or weeks for the practice to "make perfect".

practice situations?
wow thats stupid.
and arranging a playdate wouldnt help, it would be awkward.

Dude,this has become like a chat website haha








Yours Truly,
Lilly the Lion

RRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!>

Are you kidding me? How do you know if a kid is shy? You have no idea what kids have to go through. How do you know a kid is shy? I don't condsider myself 'shy' I don't just run up to someone and say HI! Whats your name! And get all up in their face. I'm more passive I guess, I'm weary around meeting new people but after a while I feel like I can trust them with just about anything, depends on how everything went. I will say this for a fact, none of that will ever work, because it's writen by adults.

oh yeah i forgot to say parents were kids once so they know exactly what we are going through. because chances are if you are shy one of your parents probably were. also bryor this is meant for little kids like 5 year olds. i mean come on the person that wrote this book is only human! she isnt like a smart super human robot thing! just like parents! have a little respect!

Ok, I'm a kid. I have shy friends. If a parent tried to do this stuff to a kid they would get annoyed! Unless they're 4th grade and under kids find this stuff weird. Parents have no idea what kids talk about so conversation openers wouldn't work and it sounds stupid anyway. Then kids HATE IT when parents arrange play-dates. If they want to have a play-date with someone, they'll ask you, and they'll call them up and invite them. Or they get invited somewhere. Not "Honey, i called __ and asked if they wanted to have a playdate with you! Even though its possible u might hate them, isn't that great?!" I mean COME ON! This stuff is basically social suicide for kids. And how do you think it makes us kids feel when a bunch of phsycologist think that they know all about kids when really that stuff would make us want to screm "SHUT UP THIS IS STUPID" to our parents. Really a KID should write a book on how to understand kids, cause they'll know first hand. and i know some kids who are great writers! Unless you want your kids to hate you for the rest of your lifes and never have a CHANCE of opening up, DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT THEY'RE SAYING!!!!!

are you people serious! I'm 14 and used to be shy and of course this wouldnt help me! it is for kids for goodness sake!! can you read! it worked on my 5 year old little sister and she is no longer as shy as she was! it is called tips to HELP shy KIDS. keys words there help and kids! so just learn to read! and ya you can change out of being shy. i did in just one day.

im going to high school, and i cannot be shy there!!! omg i hope i will grow out of this shyness thing, and these tips did not help at all...

I was so shy when i was little. I hhad a major speech problem saying the 'R' word's. Then I got help and I met some people who really helped me. Just becuase i spoke to people who were loud and fun to be around, I became more like them as time went on. I'm still a little shy, though

All i can say is that I agree with some of the comments and just unsure about the tips. I'm 18 and shy. I have a hard time speaking with friends I've known over four years. So...yeah, I'm still struggling to speak to them and ...well I'm just glad they are patient with me. I guess trying it out may work, you never know cause we are all different. I just hope I don't stay this way forever. I do indeed think that some people that are shy may be that way because they are not satisfied with themselves. I'm not for one, and I deal with that a lot. But... hey, you never know. It just may work. I don't think people should get super angry about it though D: They're just trying to help ;u;''

-Xiaine

ok so I'm 16 I use to the most shy person around my school. I just came to the school I'm at now. I started out as shy as I always am..but I joined drama you know the acting class. At first I hated drama. Standing up n front of class,presitations.,etc, Every shy persons worst nightmare happened to me in that class.. but as time went on I became less shy. I made more friends and became popular for my personilty not just looks anymore. And now im entering compitions not to win but to build confidence It's working for me i'm soo enjoing my wonderful life!! LOL

Kevin Scott,that is a very vayne thing to say.
Some people just can't be as social and outgoing as others.
When my sister was in elementary school,people thought she was snobby because she was
shy.That doesn't make her snobby,though.
And my best friend Emily is the shyest person I've met in my life,but that doesn't stop me from
liking her just the same.
So I am not trying to sound like a smart alec or anything,but you ought to make sure you know what
you're talking about,before you post it online.
And I can't look every person I meet in the eye.Especially if they demand me to.
This article is very absurd.Not everyone is going to have results to be proud of.People
are very different.And some six rules they found online aren't going to be quite as effective
as if they do hands-on experience,as in going out and meeting people and actually
socializing.

I am really shy. This doesn't work. Hopefully i'll grow out of it.
Wow alot of people commented. It's like a shy community. Thats cool.

Hmm I'm not sure if the tips would work well. It's worth a try but it won't be easy.

I used to be shy and quiet since i was a kid. I still have a bit of shyness in me and I don't like to talk much. Back at school i often visit the counselor for the heck of it, and the counselor observed me and one day asked how many siblings do i have. i told her i have only one, then she said usually (note that I'm not saying 'ALL') kids who are an only child or have only one sibling is more likely to be less social. I used to be shy to people, I only can be myself with people who already know me. If i have spent my time with another person/people for a while, they know that I have a sense of humour.

call me a jerk, but i do blame my parents for this behaviour. not only because they didn't give me another sibling, but it's when I was discouraged to join a debate competition. I wanted to try out something new, so i told my mom and her response was "can you really do it? you're not even brave enough". My confidence was destroyed, then I backed out from joining. And yet she complained about my anti-social attitude LOL. moral of the story, if your shy kid is trying to participate in something that involves public viewing (singing, publix speaking etc), DO NOT DISCOURAGE him/her. Be proud that your kid is making an effort to change.or you could suggest them to join choir or camping and tell them it's "fun"

I tried to be more approachable once i enter college. It wasn't easy since i'm more shy towards boys as i went to girls school. I kept thinking having close friendship towards boys might lead to 'something else'. I put on a brave face, not showing any obvious signs of shyness.in the end the pretense gradually diminished my shyness. I can stand up for myself now, i know how to respond to teases/insults unlike before (i just keep the anger inside). I'm not as shy as before, can talk to boys w/o feeling weird, can ask stupid questions while resisting the shame. but i still have problems trying to start a conversation and constant eye contact makes me uncomfortable. Nevertheless i still prefer being quiet and be by myself.

THIS DOES NOT WORK!!!reapeat NOT!
I'm a shy person.I'd like to point out a few things about this aticle with you all.
1.If a person is shy,what makes you think they're about to make eye contact?
2.I don't want to do all that lame "Practice social situations" stuff.I think we can just go out,
make a couple a friends,and just grow out of it.What,is everyone thinking that people can just follow
six rules that they read in about 5 minutes and they become social butterflies?Well sorry to burst your
bubbles but that's just not how things work.

wow ok seriously?? this is an article on 5 tips to help shy kids.. not teenagers.. & yes it would work on some kids, yet not others.. everybody is different. & everybody grows up differently with our own experiences & throughout time people change. i was very very shy when i was a kid but now im not that shy anymore but i still have my times. oh & btw everyone shyness is different.. some may just dont know how to start a conversation, some may think being around people is awkward, some may just not be a taklative person.. etc.. & its really immature how some people on here are insulting the psychologist, there not God.. there just saying whats best to there ability.. & there the ones with the degree not us.

Hahah This is funny just reading all the comments. Everyone just gets so angry the article is ment for parents to use on their KIDS. Noit for you to use on yourself. hahahahahahah

There is nothing wrong with being shy, in my eyes. People want to help you more when you're shy, actually. Eighth Grade, I had just moved. I knew nobody. Someone came and sat with me, and we became friends, and formed this "group". Later, when I asked her why she sat with me, she said, "Everyone said you were really shy, and that's kind of cute. It makes me want to protect you."

Now, there IS something wrong if you can't protect yourself and be shy at the same time.

Sometimes, it's not even about being shy. Lots of shy kids, people, just like being alone more. Kids with lots of siblings, or with people around all the time, tend to retreat into themselves and their minds, just wanting to be alone. Ever heard of that saying, "You were off in your own little world"? That's what some kids do. They retreat to their minds and make their own place where they can be alone. If parents would ask them what's the matter and actually pay attention, maybe the situation could be stopped. Note that I am NOT saying the parents are at fault.

I had a lot of over dominating women in my life as a child. I found it more enjoyable to let someone vent. But, if you took the initiative to get to know me, then I would've talked your head off. But,if someone would say something to me that I didn't like, then I would just take it, keep it inside and not stand up for myself. I realize now that I used to let people speak for me and make assumptions about me or how I was feeling and not bother to correct them b/c at the time I think I wasn't sure how I felt. I regret drinking alcohol. I've heard people call it "liquid courage." That was so true for me. When I put the cigarettes and alcohol away, I realized that I had no control over worrying too much. So, after a few counseling sessions and Dr.'s visits later, I found Lexapro to work for me. It's made such a positive difference in my life. I'm more confident and I don't care what others think of me. And I speak up for myself.

I honestly agree to those who say this doesn't work. Please don't get me wrong, say that I don't have patience and that I didn't try this, because I didn't try any of these, but I do have patience and I know myself pretty well. I'm not saying that all of the 'steps' don't work, but let me explain in a little more detail in my personal opinion.

1. Encouraging eye contact. I had a huge problem with this, even with my semi-distant family relatives. Yes, we realize it's rude to not make eye contact, but we can't help it, it's scary. It feels as if our soul would be sucked out if we looked into the eyes of a person we don't trust or know very well. When I was small, the highest I could look up was a person's neck, and when I did meet eye contact, I would instantly look completely away. If you want eye contact, don't say 'Look at me in the eyes,' because that's scary, and it makes it seem as if our fears are 'wrong' or 'ridiculous.' Instead, just give us time to gather courage ourselves.

2. Conversation starters, okay, that's helpful, but the real problem is keeping it going. I'm almost 19 and I still can't keep a conversation going for five minutes, so I have to pull out another conversation starter. In my opinion, phones are scarier than a person's face, because if there's going to be silence for three minutes, I would at least like to look at the persons hand or cheeks or some form of them. No, photos don't help either.

3. Describing the 'social setting' like visiting my grandma at a christmas partywould have been helpful. How many people will be there? Will people come and talk to us? Will I have to make conversations myself? Will there be anyone my age? These are important, but my parents never give me any details, and I felt asking her these things would just aggravate her. Her saying, "It'll be fine, just make sure to look at people and talk," did not help me at all. I stood in the corner where the front door was the entire time, ready to cry and whine to get out of there (but didn't for a fear of an angry lecture), with said grandma insisting that something was wrong with me. Plus 'rehearsing' the scene just seems embarrassing, and if we don't do it right, parent's frustrated scolding would surely come after.

4. Hanging out with younger kids, okay, that would work... for hanging out with younger kids. I hung out with younger kids all the time, but the only reason I could do that 'properly' was because I had the 'confidence' to. I was older, so I was smarter than them and they (sometimes) had respect for older kids so they were nice. As soon as I was with a group of kids my own age, I was back to being the 'shy' girl. And baby-sitting for money turns it into 'just a job.' We only want the money, we're not interested in 'experiencing more social situations.'

5. One on one play date. Not working. The problem would be figuring out what to do. Games, okay, what kind? Don't like card games, but I don't like board games. Jump rope? Okay, but Mom/Dad isn't interested so maybe individual jump rope. Drawing pictures, okay. Then Mom or Dad would wonder why it's so quiet and insist that we aren't getting to know each other, when that's not how we see it... yeah, that happened to me quite recently actually. Spent the night at my friend's house, we didn't have anything to talk about, wasn't interested in videogames, no dvd or vhs player, and so drawing was a viable option in our eyes, but then her mom came in and kind of ruined it. I felt ashamed but didn't understand what was wrong.

I think this would only work with younger children, and with parents who are extremely patient and had time, which I didn't have, but it also depends on the child. More often than not, shy children grow out of it eventually all on our own. If it persists, their friends turn out to be better role models than having parents or other adults tell them that they need to change. Shy people can make friends more easily than you think: it starts by just being near the person, and then hi's start and little conversations start.

Besides, I can also bet that some of the parents can't tell the difference if their child is being shy or is just introverted, which are two completely different things, and neither of them should be thought of as something that needs to be changed or is 'wrong.'

You are absolutely right Ryan McClarrion.... I'm 24, and I still get (older and younger) people who try to talk to me like I'M stupid for NOT WANTING to talk to them or participate in their STUPID behavior. It's a shame that most young people these days cannot think for themselves, they want to "FIT IN" with everybody else to the point of stupifying themselves, and try to outcast people who wont

This would only work if the kid is truly willing to change. I am shy and until like last year or the year before I didn't really have the desire to change, but I just got sick of being awkward and people acting wierd around me. So I gradually did things like start conversations with people and even shake other people's hands at church, and I've gotten a lot less shy, but it was because I wanted to do it, not my parents.

I'm surprised that nothing was mentioned in this article about social phobia. For an extremely shy child or adolescent, the possibility of a social phobia should be ruled out before trying any of these techniques.

okay im like 13 and just last year i was like extremely shy and then i just kinda grew out of it! it took like alot of work and yeah every1 started talking to me then i got a social life my mom hates that so much because now im almost on the phone or facebook but either just be confident and u will suceed at not being shy just look at me seriously im now straight up AWESOME

When I was in sixth grade, I was really shy.
What actually cures shyness, is, the depression of being shy.
Because once they know that they are LAME and people make fun of them because they are shy, that is when they know that they cannot be shy anymore. And they take their time to change, probably 2-3 years.
The reason why some don't want to change, is because they are afraid what people will say about them. I mean, one day they are shy and the next day or week, they're so open.

A reason they are shy is because of their parents. They must've been treated like little kids by their parents even when they're about 10 years old.

Who a kid is and becomes, depends on their parents.

people should listen from ex-shy kids, not psychologists.

As a very shy person, you must understand why a person is shy to try to get them out of it. These just cover up the issue and dont really solve it. Perhaps your child is shy due to them believing that they're smarter than everyone else, and maybe they are! Perhaps its that their peers are people they dont want to engage with due to them being either idiots, in the sense of how they think in comparison to your child. Or that they are simply a deep thinker who doesnt believe that conversationalism is of any benefit. Shy people are often the most observant and generally think situations through the most, deaming shyness as some social disorder in a way is giving the message that one must be outgoing and talkative as possible. Think of the most obnoxious person you know, why are they obnoxious?

Why wouod this work, if your shy, and someone is telling you to look at me, it onlymakes more paranoid, and scared,which in turn makes us want to keep to ourselves even more !!!!!

I don't think training a child to not be who they are is the best idea. I wasn't a horribly shy kid, but as I grew up, I became slowly more shy. (Not sure why) But I feel that kids need to figure out who they are, and telling them that how they're acting is wrong, when it clearly isn't hurting anyone, isn't the wisest choice. I agree with a lot of the people who commented above me- they'll grow out of it. As I grew up I made tons of new friends, and just having graduated, I'm friends with people of all ages in and out of my old high school. However, I still refuse to ask the price of something, or order my own food. I know it's stupid, but that's how I am. And I'm still just as happy with my huge group of friends. Let the kids figure out who they are, and if they ask for help, then by all means- give them all the help you can.

This isn't going to work. I'm shy, and I, without a doubt, can tell you that this won't work. I'm older so I obviously wouldn't apply to your advice about playdates, but I babysit all the time. Younger children. It doesn't work. My issue is that I don't know where to begin with conversations. If I'm talking to someone I've never met and they don't take over the conversation and make it run smoothly, it's a genuine catastrophe. It gets awkward; I can think of starters.. usually.. but keeping it going??And having a conversation over the phone and over email is infinitely easier than face to face!

im 14 and extreamly shy and hate it but i cant change it . . and this does not work i mean parents have to let there kids grow out of it i dont know about anyone else but when someone talks to me about my sh problem it annoying so mi point is. . .let us grow out of it!!
...

Stop complaining about how this "doesn't work" instantaneously. It's a gradual change. You're not going to become "un-shy" after two minutes of reading and six seconds of practice.

And, anyway, the article is entitled "5 Ways to HELP Shy Kids," not "The Cure For Shy-ness." Grow up.

Im usually shy around people but my friends are the complete oppisite (note that im a teen my self - 14 yrs) But my point is that most of the kids at my school know my name, I would walk down the hall way and some one I dont know would say hey to me and even say my name... I would walk off and ask some one who that was because i have no idea they even exisisted but what Im trying to say is that Im only known by assocation.... Im starting to grow out of my shyness but PARENTS: Let your kids grow out of it themselves... I know you want the best for them but let them find their way unless tey ask for it, or you see they are majorly depressed by it but you have to know how to come about it... Learn your childs personality then ask another child with a similar personality for advice....

Let Us Effing Grow out of It . Were Not Dogs Like Seriously? Were Human Beings and we have as much ability to do things as you do . So for you psychologist who think your good for telling us to make eye contact , Your not . Nothing can really change children from being shy except for them & What they do . They just need a couple of friends & to experience the world and go do something bad . I mean not like , Kill someone . But have some fun ...

For me i am 17 and have always been shy.
I have established that it isnt about who your with its about yourself. Some kids or teenagers arent comfortable with who they are so they dont want to act themselves around other kids.

As Sage Montenegro said what will really help is wanting to change yourself. I decided that i was tired of being shy so i started going to classes that mede me talk, such as a speach class. SDeriously a class where all you do are speaches the whole time. You are recorded on a camera and then the class watches it again and points out the mistakes. Also i am in all A.P. classes (advanced placement) and so you have to make sure you know whats going on for the ap test at the end of the year. so you have to speak up.

I am not saying none of this works. I am just saying i doubt it will work for me. Considering i have deveoped my mind set on who i am. I am not going to call people on the phone and try to talk to them.
For me though it is a lot easier to talk through an email or on the phone rather than in person. But thats just me.

Overall if you want it to work and change that aspect of your personality then you will. I mean i love doing speaches now. Its something that i am really good at. Its not something that i want to do for the rest of my life but it really did work for me.
So thats what i recomend.

"Going through life scared is no way to live."
Thanks for your time to read this.

-Leanna

....tried it with me and my freind just now, we are both shy and we only hang out together, it seems nothing on that list will probably not work, if u dont beleive me, go and get a freind thats shy and another and try it out!

Note to all adults: please do not get into our lives, when we say something like we want to be alone >.<
WEEEEEE MEAAANNNNNN ITT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to all you psychologists and big wigs who think they can tell the shy how to become more social (bravo
for trying, really A for effort). At the best this article could teach a three to five year old to make eye contact. Needless to say I or fellow sane commenting people are not in the 3 to 5 category..... I am shy and I think on some level I always will be but you know what? I got better on my own. We will live our lives the way we want to. Also what the heck are "necessary social risks"? Ever thought that some of us just really don't want to talk much or be the life of the party? I function pretty o.k. for being never counseled in my life. My friends helped a lot....they made me feel comfortable. Here's a tip though we are kids not dogs and you are treating this like a puppy and trainer situation. "Here girl! look at that persons eyes!".
I want to become a psychologist one day just so I can fox this for you,
shy girl
p.s. last time I checked I wasn't a study

People should just let the kids grow out of it...I was shy (and still am at 16), but over the years, I'm becoming more open and stuff. I still don't like going in front of the class or something, but I am changing. For some kids, it's just a phase and they're over it in a few days to a few weeks...but for other kids, it may take a few years. Parents just have to let them handle it...if they want to change, then they'll try to over come their shyness, but if they like being shy, then let them be.

I use to be really shy back when i was younger and i'm still kinda shy in certain situations and i can easily say that none of those things will work. I took Peer Counseling my sophomore and junior year and i had to do a lot of presentations and thats what helped me not practicing social situations. i mean really who does that?

They have to grow out of it themselves. Nobody can really help them except their friends.

What about if you're a teenager?
These dont work very well...
And these wont work for kids either. If they are young and shy they are harder to cooperate with than you think...

People just believe research can solve and predict but this is who we(including myself)ARE, you cannot change us

I am shy and THIS does NOTT work..I repeat does NOT work!