Dating With PISD (Post Infidelity Stress Disorder)
So, you got cheated on.
The feeling of being betrayed by someone you were loyal to – and someone you thought was loyal to you – has got to be one of the worst feelings. There’s no good way to get cheated on; maybe you were totally blindsided. Maybe it was your boyfriend of six months, maybe your husband of six years. Maybe you saw it coming. Doesn’t matter – it still sucks big time to be betrayed by a significant other. After being let down in such a personal and intimate way, you might feel like the LAST thing you want to do is to go diving into the dating pool into which you just smashed your head (or heart). We feel you!
But the heart must go on, as our girl Celine so wisely sings in her song of woe.
Relationship guru Gary Spivak of FidelityDating.com, a site for finding a “non-cheating” partner, shares some tips for getting back in the game after your heart’s been smashed to bits by that no-good, cheating, well, you know.
Talk It Out
If you don’t already have a therapist on speed dial, this might be the time to leave your comfort zone and talk to someone who’s qualified. Emergency happy hour with your besties eases the pain of getting cheated on, but a certified professional can offer a perspective your favorite friends cannot.
“Seek individual counseling to get over the betrayal and forgive your ex,” Spivak advises. “Get therapy, support or help if you are insecure or are blaming yourself.”
Take Your Time
“If you date too soon you may be carrying baggage from your old relationship into your new one,” Spivak warns.
Your new partner may not be at all like the guy you just walked out on, so it may be best to take some time to process your feelings.
Sign up for that crazy dance class you’ve been dying to try but “never had time.”
“Make sure you are fully healed after being cheated on before dating again,” Spivak tells us. “Once healed, open yourself up to new possibilities and trust your instincts, welcome new adventures into your life, and have fun.”
Now’s the time to do all the awesome stuff on your bucket list – now that’s something to get excited about!
Related: Top Things Women Do To Push Men Away
Don’t Play the Victim
This isn’t “SVU.”
“Don’t see yourself as a victim of infidelity, see yourself as a survivor – now stronger and wiser,” Spivak says. “Believe in yourself and your boundaries.”
So you took the plunge and went on that blind date with your best friend’s cousin’s roommate. And it went, well, great…
“If you find yourself falling for a new love, let him or her know that you were cheated on and how much it hurt,” Spivak says.
Trying to conceal it will just hurt you more, so be honest with your new love interest. Chances are, they’ve gone through the same thing. You don’t want to hurt the new relationship with mistrust and accusations.
“Let your new mate know what happened in your past so he/she knows why you may be asking more questions, or why you feel uneasy when he or she goes away on a business trip,” Spivak says.
Fear No Cheater
“After being cheated on, you never want to experience the hurt and betrayal again,” Spivak says. “Don’t let this fear control you; you are in control.”
You can and will find love again.
After getting cheated on you will go through PISD (post infidelity stress disorder), Spivak explains.
“You may find yourself unable to date and trust again,” he says. “Professional help can help heal emotional wounds.”
He may be the last person you want to see, but couples’ counseling can help you both move forward in a positive direction – even if it’s apart.
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