The Perfect Breakup

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The perfect breakup certainly seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it? When have you ever heard of both members of a couple feeling wonderfully uplifted about a split? While most breakups involve a lot of pain and devastation, some are better than others. In fact, I have even seen some go very well.

So, drawing on my personal and professional experience I’d like to guide you away from a devastating dissolution and towards a more perfect termination, or at least as ’perfect’ as it can get. My suggestion is that we leave someone we were once involved with in the same condition we found them. As we move into tips, let’s assume we all agree that we don’t really intend to hurt anyone.

Related: What His Body Language is Telling You

Breakup Blunders

Do not break up over text, email or Facebook. That is not the behavior of a kind and brave person. It is disrespectful and unfair.

Breaking up by acting cold and emotionally distant is undignified and disrespectful. Maybe you feel that this will work because it allows your partner to pick up on cues and get out of the relationship with their dignity intact, but that is not the case. While you are backing off and trying to send subtle cues that you are not that interested anymore, your partner is suffering and struggling to understand your behavior. No one deserves to be frozen out or dropped in this ambiguous way. Most of us dislike ambiguity intensely and do much better with a clear answer even if it is not what we hoped to hear.

If you have met your soon-to-be-ex on an Internet dating site, please do not make it obvious that you are back on the Website and looking for a new mate. That is just not nice.

Related: 4 No-No’s After a Breakup 

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Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D. is currently a professional consultant on teen issues at Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, CT. She also maintains a private practice in Fairfield County, CT. She served as a clinical administrator on an adolescent inpatient unit at a private psychiatric hospital for 21 years before dedicating herself to private outpatient practice and consultation work.

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