Top Secret Crush: To Tell or Not to Tell?
You are soulfully attracted to the bass player in the band you see every weekend. He looks your way, but does he want your number or are you picking up the wrong tune? You’ve had a thing for your cutie co-worker forever, and he is finally single. He lingers when you pass him the latest status report, but is he just being cordial? When you are secretly lusting or crushing on someone, should you say something?
Navigating the maze of potential love leads can be confusing, not to mention highly embarrassing if you make a wrong move. The risks are high, but so is the opportunity for romantic reward. To crack the code of top secret romance, we asked clinical psychologist Dr. Barbara Greenberg to break it down for us.
“People keep their affections secret for a number of reasons,” Greenberg tells us.
Many people may be afraid their feelings will not be reciprocated, and so they stay silent.
“Honestly, almost everyone has a fear of rejection, particularly when their tender feelings are involved,” she says. The person with the crush may be involved with someone else, or may not even understand if they are feeling affection or just admiration.
How to tell if someone’s crushin’ on you…
“Sometimes, these feelings are difficult to sort out,” Greenberg says.
Not everyone is an open book when it comes to romantic interest. Think someone might be crushing on you, but aren’t sure how to tell? The heart works in mysterious ways, but there are some tried-and-true ways to get a read on a potential romance. (See: The Secret Lives of Women)
For starters, Greenberg says, look at the person’s eyes.
“Pupils dilate when individuals are attracted to someone,” she says. “The smitten person will give you loads of attention and talk to you and about you a lot! There will be all sorts of excuses to make contact.”