I Don't Want My Teen Around His Friend's Gay Parents | Parenting
I Don't Want My Teen Around His Friend's Gay Parents
Dear Dr. G.,
I can't really talk to anyone about this because I'm afraid of the repercussions. Here's my tricky problem. My 15 year old son has a good friend who was adopted at birth by two gay men. As far as I'm concerned they can be gay if they want to but I don't want my son around them. I do not want my son to become gay and influenced by these two men. I don't want him to see affection between men. Obviously, I am opposed to homosexuality. My brother is gay and my family hasn't had communication with him for years. My father told him to either shape up or ship out. And, he shipped out and lives in San Francisco with his boyfriend.
What should I say to my son? Should I just put my foot down and say that the friend can come to our house but my son cannot go the the friend's house. I do NOT want my son to turn out like my brother.
I will follow your suggestions.
A Frightened Mother
Dear Mother,
First, I must say that I am very pleased that you wrote to me. I am very concerned about the way you are looking at things. I think that you have unresolved issues with your brother. I think that it is heartbreaking that your father cut off his son. Parents are supposed to stand behind their children and support them through their struggles and triumphs. I do not think that your father should be your role model in this arena.
Secondly, gay parents are often excellent parents. They do not have kids by accident. They put a great deal of energy into adopting these kids and from what I have seen tend to be tremendously devoted parents.
What are you afraid of? Do you think that they will molest your child? It's more likely that a heterosexual member of your family or one of your friends might do so. You seem concerned that your son may become gay simply by observing two men in a relationship. This is not very likely. If only teens were so easily influenced then we would all have an easier time raising them.
Your son may actually benefit from being around these parents. From them he may learn a mindset of tolerance for all types of diversity. I say re-think things. And,yes, of course, your son should be allowed to go to his friend's house. I suggest that you judge the parents by their character not by whether or not the are straight or gay. As we all know, being a straight parent doesn't guarantee anything healthy or unhealthy.
Good luck as you address this issue.
Dr. G.
Barbara R. Greenberg, Ph.D. is currently a professional consultant on teen issues at Silver Hill Hospital in New Canaan, CT. She also maintains a private practice in Fairfield County, CT.
She served as a clinical administrator on an adolescent inpatient unit at a private psychiatric hospital for 21 years before dedicating herself to private outpatient practice and consultation work.
She and her professional partner, Jennifer A. Powell-Lunder, Psy.D, met over a decade ago during an interview for a clinical position. That first introduction resulted in a meeting of the minds. What started as a professional relationship has bloomed into a strong friendship and has served as an even greater support network for each other’s triumphs and challenges.
The concepts behind both their website Talking Teenage and their book Teenage as a Second Language are a culmination of hours of professional experience and collegial chatter.
"From early on in our respective careers we have perceived ourselves as students of adolescent language and behavior. We have listened and learned from the finest of teachers…the hundreds of teens and parents who continue to touch our lives daily."
Read more: http://galtime.com/profile/44787/16249/barbara-greenberg-phd#ixzz1lh3AT1JD
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