I Walked In On My Teen Masturbating | Parenting
I Walked In On My Teen Masturbating
treading lightly through puberty with your teen
Dear Dr. G.,
I have an embarrassing situation going on in my home.
My son is 15 and during the past month I have walked into my home while he was masturbating in the living room on one occasion and just yesterday he fell asleep after doing it on his bed with the door open.
I am noticing lotion or spray on his shirts etc. I don't know how to handle this. Should I just let this go for now or confront him about it?
Anonymous
Dear Mother,
You ask some very sensitive and thoughtful questions. First, it is normal for your teenage son to be exploring his sexuality by masturbating. I can assure you that he is in the good and plentiful company of teens everywhere. Like you, I am concerned that he is doing this publicly in the living room and in his bedroom with the door open.
I do think that you must talk to him but, obviously, not in a way that shames and embarrasses him but rather in a way that educates him.
In a calm and sensitive manner, sensitive to his budding sexuality, talk to him about how masturbation is normal but that it is a private behavior and that he should confine it to private spaces with the door closed.
Related: I Walked in On My Teen Having Sex... Now What?
Let him know that you will knock on his bedroom door before entering to ensure his privacy.
I am not sure why he is masturbating in public parts of the house. Is it possible that he wants feedback about whether or not his behavior is normal or that he simply hasn't learned about "masturbation etiquette?"
He may be using the lotion as a lubricant and perhaps the spray is his best attempt to remove stains. I am not sure but I don't think that it is necessary to inquire about this.
Good luck as you approach this very sensitive topic.
My Best,
Dr. G.
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Barbara Greenberg and Jennifer Powell-Lunder are authors of the hit book, "Teenage as a Second Language: A Parent's Guide to Becoming Bilingual." They've set up an interactive website for parents and teens to listen, learn and discuss hot topics and daily dilemmas. You can find it at www.talkingteenage.com.
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