So you’ve met this great guy and you really hit it off. You’ve gone on whatever is your personal pre-requisite number of dates and reached that date where you know you’re going to have sex with this person.
This scenario has been going through your mind for some time now and you’ve worked yourself up into frenzy. You know that it’s going to be the best sex ever because you have such great chemistry. He’s got a great sense of humor, his kisses make your toes curl, the way he looks into your eyes and holds your face makes you feel so special. Then the clothes come off , you’re in bed together , and he’s doing his special moves and you just aren’t “moved” at all. In fact, it’s probably a really good thing that the lights aren’t on for this first time so he can’t see the astonished look in your eyes as he “motorboats” your boobs.
What the hell, right? So you put the whole night off to the fact that it’s your first time together; you just need to get in sync. Then the next time rolls around and, good heavens, no matter how many hints you drop or how many times you move his hands to the right place, he still just doesn’t get it. You end up having another night of mediocre sex. What do you do?
Do you settle for only being satisfied with a great relationship? Can you be happy with the great relationship and mediocre sex? Or would you put up with a mediocre relationship just to have great sex?
I truly believe you can have both, especially now that I’m in my 40’s. It’s really much easier to find because I know what I want now and I won’t settle for anything less. It’s not fair to either party to keep going along with the mediocre sex or the mediocre relationship.
I asked my friend, Rich, if this make me seem selfish? He told me: “No, it makes you old enough to know what makes you happy and wise enough to know better than to settle for someone without those qualities, knowing that without them the relationship is doomed to failure because you will end up seeking those qualities in others”. And truly, is it fair to go forward with a committed relationship with someone that in your heart you know cannot make you happy? That is just setting YOUR PARTNER up for heartbreak. It’s better to be honest with yourself and say, “You are a lot of what I want but too much of what I don’t.” I think that’s some really good advice.
